Friday, March 03, 2006
wow a week since dramafeste.. everything's whizzing past in one big blur, everything feels so surreal and unreal and unbelievable. change is so sudden.. and sometimes so drastic and you just cant understand or rationalise how things happen. but they just.. do.
the week since friday/saturday has been pretty indulgent...mezza9 twice in a week and random fun moments which involve skateboards, good island creamery ice cream and interesting, very interesting conversations and bimbo moments and good indian food, learning to eat with my hands!, scrapbooks and most of all good company. especially when school ends, because lessons can be painful and sleep inducing. today felt a bit.. strange, unlike the rest of the week. but good anyway. went out with abel after going out with weiqi and had oteam meeting in between. very much like what life was like a while ago.. before dramafeste and all that. it felt kinda good, catching up with people. and talking to people who well.. know me and understand me and all that.
speaking of which i think i am dealing with too much of my own selfish little issues to care about so much of the drama happening around me. though sometimes i cannot help it, because some things i care about. but some i just dont and i dont want to pretend that i do. there's too much drama in 1b, its so tiring. i hate it when people cant just say what they feel, i hate having to read between the lines and interpret people's actions and always guess what theyre thinking its so tiring, and to do this repeatedly, over and over again.. its tiring. but there's always after school to look forward to, or there has been for almost every day this week.. i am happy very easily. and also sad very easily. group hugs are nice things, even if people think we're weird cuz we hug too much and for too long with long periods of silences haha. sorry weiqi, if we freaked you out.
skating in 1b was also a very strange and foreign but cool thing. i dont think anyone's ever skatd in 1b before. jade's pretty good and gaoshen as usual tries to show off but well.. haha. 'best actor' :] i think i must learn to skate properly one day, it seems pretty fun. whenever we're in 1b samjo and chengchai tend to pop over. i think we're all suffering from post dramafeste withdrawal symptoms. its been a week. last week this time i think i was screaming and being all happy and hugging and taking photos.. sometimes there are single moments that i'd do anything to return to.. single moments in which everything seemed to make sense and nothing really mattered except the moment itself.. little bits of pure unadulterated happiness.
mr dramafeste cast, navjote and jade and the crew, i miss you guys alot. PPP soon, please! a proper nice one with all of us there and well fun like marmalade pantry sorta fun :]
i think i keep living in the past, and basing my predictions for the future on my past, and being cynical. and thats not good, but i dont trust things will turn out the way i want them too, and all this is too familiar, too many parallels, it scares me. it really, really does. and btw the emergence of very strange couples hasnt stopped, at all. very strange couples. but whatever makes you happy i guess?
the distinction i got for my first lit s makes me happy. academically i usually feel inferior to alot of people around me, being in humans and all and things like this just make me feel more.. confident i guess. of my own abilities. im tired so im being pretty honest and i dont really care about what im typing about. back to reality, i have a ton of readings for everything possibly readable and a lot of math homework and im behind, falling behind and this year is primarily about the a levels, i think. well its supposed to be anyway. so i should focus on what really matters, whats really important. except im not sure if i know what that is.
'its just a lousy first common test' i think mr mcconnell said something like that in class today. and mrs perry said there's much more to worry about in life. and i get what she means, it coming from her. we love you mrs perry, please take care. if you do read this, which you probably wont. and im sorry for not doing my pc yet, i am horrible.
okay im too tired to say any more. except i love you three, i miss you and i miss the way things used to be, as always im living in the past and as always i should watch what im doing more. im sorry, i really am. and confused, too.
and junsheng, i want to win the yahoo auction bid NOW and sit by your poolside with khin and you and drink and talk, like before :]
shib picked a flower @ 10:43 PM
