Saturday, December 03, 2005
so so drained. mentally, physically, everything. dry run's been.. tiring, weird, veryvery emo at times, VERY high at others, and basically a whole blend of emotions. and thats just 2 out of 3 days, of dry run1. of course it isnt so much the activities causing the blend of emotions as the various people. but whatever.
yesterday i was mainly bored, unwilling to do anything and using the "im a storyliner i am exempted!" for most activities, war games=dirty=gross for long rehearsals. not that i really rehearsed other than a line read with fellowfury denise and stand-in mother fury, xinling. who i think will be replaced by nina who's damn good at acting slutty. haha. anyways. i love storyline comm, to itsy witsy bits and pieces. with my bestfriend and the crazy candice and ajit, and liyana pek navjote jade chengchai and such wonderful, retarded, ridiculous, noisy rubbishy people. we were damn high today, with the club-like dancing in the amphi, pole dancing and wall touching, singing and banging paint tins. oh yes and two people squeezing into cardboard boxes and banging each other, like bumper cars. stupid, but damn fun. and the phantom of the opera storyline meeting call. seriously i couldnt have asked for a better comm placement, and my fury role is damn fun to play. and we all cant dance, but we were damn proud that we learnt ALL 3 dances! okay i forgot alot already, but still. a big step in our progress. today was so much better than yesterday. with the moping and plugging into ipods and all.
oh yes. i got a nice co-ogl! hanyi :] didnt quite expect it actually, but i didnt expect to get any of my choices either. though i almost died initially because i thought my co-ogl was Someone Else. and i wanted to die, but its hanyi so its safe and good. i kinda know him and he kinda knows me, and navjote and mavis are co-ogls and mavis and i and nav and hanyi are good friends. same house too. so buddy ogs! v fun. and comparitively, compared to people like bestfriend im damn lucky. so tis all good. :]
yesterday was one of the weirdest days ever. i doubt i can take much more emotional trauma (okay being a tad melodramatic) and surprising information. and sometimes i know i can be the stupidest person in the world, but i cant help it. environment coupled with the emo music and the latenightsyndrome, or whatever, just makes for a deadly combination. something i wish i hadnt done, but it doesnt quite matter. which led to a long and rather painful conversation. more like a reality check, harsh as it may be. made me wonder abt the depth of my feelings, and question reasons behind alot of the things ive done. insecurities, again. im just letting my fingers type really fast and saying the first things that come to mind so this entry might be really incoherent. i think too many people are playing games of pretence. and its especially harder when im one of them. alot of people knowing alot of stuff, me knowing that they know. but blissfully ignoring everything and just acting as though noone knows anything. but we all know better dont we. perhaps i should pretend better too, and hide feelings more obviously but sometimes things cant be helped. involuntary, stupid decisions cant be helped.
boston soon. in a matter of days. ive been too busy to even breathe, let alone pack. hardly seen my home or my bed. days go like this: wake up, bathe, sch at 8:45, dry run, dance rehearsals (alto of rubbish in between, but thats generally it), hanging out a while after with hazmi zul stef yowie whoever else, and then home at say, 11pm? bath, computer, sleep. and repeat. for two days. and storyline tmr, cheryls bday stuff, cb, and sunday apparently i have to do cip. and monday dry run, again. leaving on tuesday. i dunno when to squeeze in alot of packing which i have NOT done, writing the summary of the security council issues for hmun, christmas cards, decorating the tree, various BMDP stuff, rap stuff and whatever other stuff i have to do. seemingly endless list. alot of time to think though. during meetings, while waiting, sitting around. yeah, think. hmm.
i think. orientation is going to be a very interesting experience. two days of dry run and already i have so much to say. i could go on but the more the fingers type the more would be said over here that i dont excatly want to be said over here. so byebye :]
shib picked a flower @ 12:41 AM
