Tuesday, October 25, 2005
im tired, much too tired. emotionally, physically, whatever. rehearsals are taking its toll on me, pw too and school is pretty dreadful. (if not for little squealish moments and the nice people who make me happy). so please im too tired for all of this. too tired to care, too tired to bother to think and read between the lines, decipher meanings behind cryptic words or weird glances, funny looks and questionable actions. and this from MORE than one person. much too much for my poor brain which feels half disintegrated at the moment.
pw mini crisis at the moment i dunno whats up with the ppt and what changes have gone or are still there or whatever. ah dry run tmr. meh i hardly timed my speech, whatever, pw sucks but i love my grp :] we have fake conflicts. and i think its damn cool that we are actually carrying out the project. hodge and dhillon and perry seem excited. makes what we are doing alot more worthwhile, not just another subject.
j8 today for (long) break, considering we ran away from pw pretty early. which was good cuz we had communal lunch, sharing all our pasta and the pizza. better than way, you dont get sick of the same old pasta, cuz there's variety. i love j8 breaks instead of canteen food. really. haha. then math was fun because it was a non existent lesson talking abt ms lui's love life, then aft that joining wl chas stef and evie at the other end of the class and playing shoot shag or marry. which was both really fun, enlightening, giggle-ish and severely traumatising. but nothing short of what i expected people's answers to be. people are so predictable. haha.
deceiving people is easy. the hard part's convincing yourself. sometimes i think im so good at it that i dont really quite know who i am anymore. and there's confusion between who i want to be and who i am. i sometimes feel i dont know what ive got myself into. but then i dont quite know what i want. or who i am. or anything.
its past midnight and im blabbering. i hate my blog. i miss first 3 months (after going to zan's blog). i miss the various groups of people i used to hang out with throughout the year. and there were many. samtan lloyd, trackers,don what used to be the four of us(+roland), the original 1e, the new and current, abel yam jon alps and whoever else, too many to name. rawr.
oh no i think i said the fake conflict thing a little too soon.
AH. i dont need this now. really. not the least bit.
oh yes i applied for history s without much thought to the whole s paper issue, but more like following my gut feeling. today's history lecture made me think ive made the right decision, but ah well its just s papers and i love them both.
whats wrong with me, really.
:[
shib picked a flower @ 12:14 AM
