Thursday, September 01, 2005
the first blog entry in a while. at unearthly hours. ive been meaning to sleep earlier, much earlier, now that the term's over. yea 3 terms, all over. done with. gone. scary, huh. but somehow instead of staying up to do essays at such times of the night, because its the last day of term, because of today, because of alot of things, i feel that i should un-abandon my blog.
blog entries have been different huh. from the livejournal ones. alot less informative, alot more general, but alot less cryptic at the same time.
so anyway. 3 terms. and all of them, so different. the first, with the old/original 1e. then the second (or for most part of it except for 2 or 3 weeks) with the new/current 1e. and this term, with 1b. realised ive spent more time being in the new 1b than the current 1e. many many changes. from circles of friends, to some constants and some new, close friends, to a completely different class but with a few constants. ive learnt alot this term. alot. how dangerous it can be to judge people by their appearances, because it clouds your judgement, and if you are so quick to judge, youll never get to know them for who they are, inside. and in a sense to stop looking back, stop comparing, and start being appreciative for the people around me, for my teachers, for all that ive been given. also, my views on various subjects, to a certain extent, life, my goals, my passions, my abilities, my confidence. all altered. in a term.
undoubtedly, probably one of the best decisions ive ever made in my life, if you look at it from the entire pespective of things. overall. despite the initial pains or the short-sighted drawbacks. i love 1b. not saying i dont/didnt love 1e, for what they were, for all my experiences, for all the wonderful people. but ive changed, i hope, for the better. in alot of ways. attitudes pespectives outlooks and everything. and i feel more whole as a person, complete. as if my days in school arent just an utter waste of time with frivolous fun, sleeping and class or not being in class,even.
so much has happened, i dont know where to start. but its no point recapping, there's too much. i know ive been tremendously snappy for a long while, distant from people who used to talk to me alot more, less talkative to some of you perhaps. many reasons. time, how i want to spend that time, essays, sister being back, personal choice to a certain extent? beecause actually everything is more or less up to us, eventually.
emo and pensive mood probably was triggered by tonight. humans party was alot of fun for most part, then it became emo-ish and deep and broody and serious. not that i dont enjoy that. i feel alot closer to my classmates, and im glad. sometimes late-night chats on swings and stone benches are all it takes to make you feel like you arent alone.
mrs perry was so touched by her present, she was tearing. more or less. and mr reeves and mcc loved them too, hopefully. really, as cheesy as it sounds, sometimes the best gift is knowing you have helped make a difference to someone's life. a ton of pics. talked to and traumatised poor people who i have hardly talked to before. but it was alot of fun. wl couldnt stop finding various opportunities to tease me. card games and matching paul frank tees too (stef! haha) semi-heart to heart talks with probably, one of the nicest teachers i have now, but still filled with politically correct answers. which was kind of the trigger to the emo, pensive conversations. one thing leads to another i guess. made me remeniscent. the whole situation, talking late at night, about various things, soon becoming deeper, more personal. sound familiar, anyone? big thank you to just for opening your house to us. its really nice. esp the roof where you can sit and just look at the night sky and talk, and the dance studio which is lovely too. (:
but ive learn to appreciate so much more. and closer friends, who i feel somehow understand me better than some people who ive hung out with alot more. maybe soon ill feel way i did, a long time ago, with certain individuals.
didnt go back to secondary school. was watching mr reeves play soccer. its not that i didnt want to though. but somehow im sure things will be very different. people will be very different. and sometimes you just want to preserve the memories the way they are, the way you remembered them to be, unsoiled by time.
talking with the 1b people after cutting the cake, and thten sitting at the playground with hazmi charles, who left early, then waileong evie gavin joel lawrence after, made me feel that im not alone. made me look at some people on a much deeper level.
im tired, i think its time to sleep. many hours. its been a busy term. its going to be a busy holidays. its been a trying term. but as waileong said, perhaps when you wake up tmr, and the whole day's ahead of you, you wont feel this way anymore, and it will be different. perhaps. (:
shib picked a flower @ 12:44 AM
