because we all have dreams

new!

2006-11-27T02:00:00.000+08:00

i decided i missed lj too much!

http://shebunny.livejournal.com

:D

2006-11-07T19:24:00.001+08:00

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	64%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Stability results were moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness results were low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

trait snapshot:

craves attention, messy, open, rash, irritable, likes large parties, low self control, weird, fragile, does not like to be alone, emotionally sensitive, worrying, depressed, heart over mind, does not respect authority, dependent, not rule conscious, not good at saving money, more interested in relationships than intellectual pursuits, likes to fit in, very social, frequently second guesses self, phobic, suspicious, not careful, outgoing, vain, compassionate, aggressive, likes to make fun, hates to lose

lol i got this from zan's blog, kinda accurate but some of it is very funny i sound crazy and overly emotional which is probably true.

MATH TODAY omg ! a levels will be over soon, OMG OMG ! columbia ED results will be out in a month ++ , OMG OMG !!

life is exciting :D or will be, soon. SOON!

birthday!

2006-09-15T17:32:00.000+08:00

hello everybody blogging feels so weird now i havent updated in like tenmillion years but since today is my birthday! it merits an entry anddd perhaps i shall talk about prelims too. ugh prelims.

happy things first. my birthdayyy :] im finally 18, not like being legal makes much of a difference, but i feel kinda old now. kinda. but it hasnt really been feeling very birthday-ish, firstly because of the evils of prelims. despite me knowing the importance of prelims (and really i do. applications omg omg !) i still am not studying even a tenth of how hard i should be studying to get good grades for everything even math and econs. math paper1 and 2 are over, paper2 on my birthday omg ugh so tragic, and the paper was semi-tragic too, but whatever i still think ill do better than previously. i mean consistent Os.. you cant really deprove. even an E is better. right?right. :]

and dinika came back for like less than a month and left yesterday, before my birthday too :( so shortt and now everyone misses her even poor marshmallow who's been sulking around the house sad and miserable and not eating. but tis okay she will be back soon enough and the wonders of technology make people never too far away even when they are physically miles away.

so anyway! i was expecting a sad emo birthday where i will think and complain abt how much my life sucks even on days which are supposed to be happy (because of prelims/dinika leaving) BUT thanks to cherylho my wonderful family and my wonderfulwonderful friends i feel so happy and loved and blessed. firstly CHERYLHO thank you for all your effort, it means aloooot to me and your sneakiness was quite effective this year vs last year (because last year mavis was lousy) but im still smart and guessed you were planning something. but i really do love you, very touching present, and all the trouble you went through you are really the bestest friend anyone could ask for honestly :] i promise i will give you manymany balloons and plan something equally exciting for your birthday. (and make you look damnn hot for prom :] )

and by extention thankyou to my family of course, and abel mavis moni roland shiyun glen and zul i think (even though i havent gotten zul's note hmm haha) for the notes too, v touching :] (uh mostly touching hurhur)

and for all the birthday wishes since last night too (even though some woke me up at 1plus HMM haha) and also abel for the effort and cute notebook and very nice smelling pretty box and moni for the clutch which is damnn nice (and omg we bought each other damn similar gifts HAHA) and mavis your blog entry is v touching also.

SO THANK YOU friends i love you all veryvery much :]

okay prelimsprelims. i dont feel like talking about them. except i cannt wait for them to be over, and i think god loves me cuz the only things i studied for history were tested. like, ONLY. eg: provisional govmt for russian rev, mussolini (even though i forgot the economic stuff hmmm.) and 1848 revolutions. and i didnt study lit so my only hope for an A has kinda disappeared out of the window BUT tis okay i will strive harden for womanwarrior hod and frost (ee womanwarrior :[ ) AND i havent touched intl history. busybusy wkend.

AFTER PRELIMS ! there's bangkok and sleepovers and clubbing and everything omg i cannot wait. and of course, application essays which worry me but at the same time are damn exciting, i cant wait to go to uni, but its times like 15th septembers which reminds me how much ill actually leave behind and i really dont want to, ill be so sad/scared.

AH WELL okay im sleepy and i should attempt to study soon BYE everyone and good luck for prelims/promos! :D

sigh

2006-07-14T23:12:00.000+08:00

its going to be a busy 61 days, ill probably update reallly reallly little, anyway this blog's quite pointless. so.

monday was probably one of the happiest days ive had in a long time, long long time. coldplay was amazing. i loved yellow, kingdom come, the scientist, swallowed in the sea..and chris martin is incredibly sexy in this intense deep way and he is an amazing performer, though he looked like he was on drugs most of the time. and he runs really fast and moves around alot, so alot of my pictures were blurry and kinda screwed up haha. AND i think i have amazing pushing skills/shameless skills, because we kinda went in at 7:50 or so (when the concert started at 8) and managed to get to the 2nd row, really near the barrier, at the free standing area. which was very very good cuz i thought we'd stand right at the back and not see anything and i'd be very disappointed because the tickets happen to be $170 haha. explored marina sq raffles city citylink and related areas before that, i think that whole area of singapore is nicer than town. better shopping too :)

the dresser was pretty good, i think adrian pang was amazingly good. but i was so sleepy and tired, and so i didnt go to school on wednesday. school sucks. really. school's making me depressed, as are ct results, i dont know what im going to do to get decent grades for prelims. not just decent, good grades. because i need them for university apps and omg im so lazy and unmotivated and i dont know what im doing.

and again, again. maybe nothing's changed since last year. nothing at all. and i dont like feeling like this. it makes me realise how weak and vulnerable and easily affected i am, and im always like this. so stupid, so silly. shouldnt keep doing this to myself, and making this worse for myself. why am i like this :[

tomorrow will be a better day(i hope), because i have a number of things to look forward to. :)

and please if you dont know anything/ many things, please just dont make assumptions, and even if you do just dont tell them to me. because theyll stay in my head, and ill keep thinking abt them, and the more i do the more they make sense.

sigh, sigh. i want to bury my head in the sand like an ostrich and never resurface :]

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
Speak no feeling, no I dont believe you.
You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.

post cts

2006-07-03T20:57:00.000+08:00

eeyer i dont believe school is staring tmr. :[ june holidays were refreshing, and happy, and really nice despite the studying or attempts to study and not exactly having as much fun as i had during previous holidays. but june holidays meant spending time with people i really wanted to spend time with, and waking up late and determining what i want to do and planning things for myself, which is rare and almost impossible during school time. particularly the spending time with people that i really want to thing, different classes and circumstances and everything.

even ct week was nice, though i must say that i think ct2s were pretty disastrous. as usual, as usual. its always like that, and its always my fault. because i was far too distracted, and not focusing, and not caring abt cts. which was terrible. and i was too tired and i guess it was kinda too late to do anything properly, really. so im kinda not expecting much, again. but, i really really am going to start planning everything properly. prelims and university application and ultimately a levels are not something that i can just 'try not to care about' like cts, and to put things into perspective, the 12 years of education in this stupid education system ultimately leads to this, and going overseas to somewhere good in the us has been my aim since god knows when, and i know better than to prioritise anything else over this, because i mean its the last few months at all. at least i HOPE i know better, oh no i hope i somehow become extremely hardworking and focused soon. i think ill be scared by my ct grades and have not much of a choice haha. and technically! cts arent even over, since there's hist s on friday, but whatever.

sat2s were alright, kinda around what i expected so that was fine, not sure if ill do 1 or 2 more just for the sake of it, but we shall see. i sound like a mugger so now i shall talk about my post ct activities! :] which have been suitably indulgent and relaxing, and i love my friends tons. dinnered on friday(after lit s, which was HMM but nvm), but couldnt do much else cuz i went to the doctor's to find out why my cough and flu are mysteriously not disappearing. doctor gave me strong asthmatic medicine, which sucked and tastes like shit, but i think im alot better now, or at least i really really hope so. went over to cheryl's and then shiyun's house on saturday, for tanning(which didnt work at all) and lazing around and generally relaxing and talking (: ate alot at a nice seafood place at changi village, got traumatised by flying beetles and cockroaches (esp cheryl ho) along changi beach, so we got scared and ran back to shiyun's house. haha.

sunday was spent at cheryl's with shiyun and abel who was there for most of the night, and jon before that too. watched high sch musical, which depite freaking cheesy dialogue has super nice songs. and is pretty sweet, too. and just my luck which was okay i guess, kinda mind-numbing to watch so much tv, and cherylho forced us to watch METEOR GARDEN, like omg. but it wasnt thattt bad la i admit. but i had fun, love my friends to bits and pieces :] whatever regrets ive had about decisions, or about the way my life is now compared to what it could have been, or anything like that has sorta disappeared, because i like the way things have been for the past month or so (generally) and i wouldnt want to change any of that, especially if post-jc life involves the same people ive been spending alot of time with in june and after. and less studying, of course. and seeing more of people like zul who have been damn busy and so on and so forth.

oh yes, on thursday, despite lit s the next day, went out with the 1e people.they make me laugh so much, haha its a nice feeling (: and scary movie was totally eddy humour, TOTALLY. but post-ct activities should be like that, nonsense humour and all.

ee i still dont believe school is starting, this is really very depressing. but at least there's a bit to look forward too, in coming weeks, and i get to see people again! like moni <3 but haiya, school. nevermind, 3plus more months and this will all be OVER, and that keeps me sane but also freaks me out, tremendously. okay i should attempt to plan my life now.

its the 4th of july tmr! :]

:D kingdom comeeee

2006-06-20T19:28:00.000+08:00

Steal my heart and hold my tongue
I feel my time my time has come
Let me in unlock the door
I never felt this way before

And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummer begins to drum
I don't know which way I'm going
I don't know which way I've come

Hold my head inside your hands
I need someone who understands
I need someone someone who hears
For you I've waited all these years

For you I'd wait 'Til Kingdom Come
Until my day my day is done
and say you'll come and set me free
just say you'll wait you'll wait for me

In your tears and in your blood
In your fire and in your flood
I hear you laugh I heard you sing
I wouldn't change a single thing

And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummers begin to drum
I don't know which way I'm going
I don't know what I've become

For you I'd wait
'Til kingdom come
Until my days my days are done
Say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait you'll wait for me

Just say you'll wait you'll wait for me
Just say you'll wait you'll wait for me

kl was fun, i love june holidays :D i dont want school to start, really. common tests are looming nearer and i am seriously not the least bit prepared i dont like thinking about it really :[ sniff.

happy birthday samjo (though this public birthday wish is a day late) i lurbe you v much i still cant wait till the [postponed] rr reunion. <3!

and happy belated daddy's day daddeh! haha im sorry for forgetting really -hides face.

and! since ive been tagged by weiqi,

Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 6 weird facts/things/habits about yourself, saying who tagged you. In the end you need to choose the 5 people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs.

1. i have really cool detective sorta dreams, where assorted people and myself are trying to catch a criminal, or someone i know is about to be killed or something and im trying to help them

2. i like the way my dog smells even though its not always nice and he just smells like a dog/his shampoo

3. when i download shows like the oc, when the download is almost complete, i sit and watch the download go from 97% to 98% to 99% and to 100% and dont move till its finished, even if sometimes it takes like 20 mins or something. and whenever i watch the last episodes i always end up crying by myself in front of the computer like a loser :(

4. i dont like sleeping in hotels/friends houses alot of the time, even if its more comfy, because my cow is not there and i have been sleeping with the cow since sec1 or something

5. i have been keeping written diaries since i was in primary 4 till now and there's a whole collection of them now and i like to read them when im bored and alone at home

6. i am addicted to spider solitaire :[ so loser right?

I tag :
1. roland
2. stef
3. samjo
4. zul
5. twinstomach(evelyn)

and before i forget, cherylho what will i do without you? :] love!

productive :]

2006-06-14T21:58:00.000+08:00

i am feeling very proud of myself cuz i just finished my rolly essay. so now i can laugh at js and stef and all the other people who havent done it hehe. :)

today's been more productive than most, because there wasnt anything to watch on tv and i actually felt like doing a bit of work for once. so i did some math and found out that the questions are all very difficult and disgusting :( nevermind more math attempts tmr. i realise that i sound like a mugger which is good because i am aspiring to be one.

on another note, i think i became more hardworking because i have actually been forced to stay at home so much and tv got boring because i am sick. flu morphed into stomach flu and i threw up like 12 or 13 times in a night the other night, from 4am-8am or something it was horrible and it was just bile and assorted gastric juices. painful :( then i got injected and now i just have the remanents of the normal flu, with my nose and throat still feeling flammy and gross. very very timely, because cheryl & i planned to embark on grand diet plans for prom starting this week, and i got sick and havent been able to eat anything appetising or anything i'd want to eat alot of. which is good, in a way, but being sick sucks. i realised i hadnt been to the doctor's for a while, i think ive gotten relatively healthier in jc, which is a good thing :D relatively. haha.

also ive discovered that if you enjoy someone's company you can talk to the person endlessly and never run out of things to talk about. sleepovers last week with cheryl and moni led to that discovery, with cheryl and i talking and talking and talking endlessly about the same (few) topics until like 5am or something and not getting tired. haha. its nice when you get to know people better and discover how much theyre like you, eventhough i think most people wouldnt think that cheryl and i have as much in common as we do in reality. except i dont like taking photos of myself and proclaiming that i look very cute, unlike her -_- also it feels weird cuz i havent seen mavis for ages! she's been my very helpful and loyal studybuddy though we usually end up talking, snacking, and watching the omen which freaked me out alot. esp cuz my parents werent at home and i was all alone and it was SCARY.

and i think i have become more mature, and nonchalant. yesterday suprised me, its amazing how i can choose not to care so easily. which is a good thing, i think. :] my mind is very good at choosing what to focus its energies on.

i want to prolong watching episodes 23 and 24 of the oc cuz i dont want to reach the season finale, abel told me its very sad and i dont want to have no tv show to watch until prelims OmGgG. :[

holidays

2006-06-06T17:46:00.000+08:00

grumblegrumble i typed a whole long blog entry yesterday then it disappeared! the computer is evil. then i was grumbling and someone asked me why i blog and then i realised i dont know why cuz i dont exactly say anything of consequence here since i have diaries and stuff and its a waste of time. but since i have nothing better to do!

anyway, yesterday was nice, though i think i ate too much. chompchomp for dinner, saw monisha there coincidentally <3! and a whole bunch of councillors which included shiyun charles hanlong etc etc and lizhan who referred to me as the female bunny when he told shiyun he saw me, and when shiyun was confused said 'the indian girl!' even though he knew my name -_- uh-huh. haha. ate cheese fries and icecream after that too, ahh super indulgent. and did a bit of math and heart of darkness nonsense while trying not to fall asleep on cheryl's couch. thankyou cheryl for the company i will stay over soon! when my dog is not upset and moping around the house

last week was very,very interesting. i made resolutions and life plans and broke them in a couple of HOURS, which was horrible. and i blame.....yes. so. a very Traumatic Event also occured last week, actually two traumatic events but traumatic in very different ways. one was stupid embarrassing traumatic and the other sad upsetting traumatic. but whatever i think i need a brain replacement. friday saturday and sunday was nice too, despite sats which were surprisingly manageable. i love retail theraphy but singapore is getting boring but its all good cuz im going somewhere (bangkok? kl?) next weekend, and i still spent loads of money, sooo. and had nice company too. happy birthday stef :)

okay im going to return to my bed and watch tv and eat popcorn for a while before i get ready to go to monisha's house :) i love the holidays :D

and look! no emo-ness. because like dinika says its hard to be emo properly when the sun is shining. so i must only blog in the day. haha. :)

collide.

2006-05-30T23:45:00.000+08:00

ah, its funny, i realise that essentially nothing changes. not much anyway. it all goes back to the way it was, largely the same. june holidays now remind me of.. june holidays last year? more or less. strangely enough. or, pre-promos, somewhat. studying is horrible, whether for sat2s or cts or anything. but necesary. mugger shib must surface! but im grateful for the people who have more or less been constants in my life since j1 or so, and some for even longer :)

life is strange, i do think i am getting weirder as the days pass. yesterday's moodswinging and delirious and disastrous moments make me wonder what is wrong with me, really. mm. and i should really stop trying to find direct replacements for everything, because its just not possible. :[ i realise the missing piece tee is apt now more than ever, i guess. i dont know, really.

anyway! xmen3 was entertaining, scary at parts but generally very good. as was da vinci code. i dont get why people think it sucks. i mean its generally a pretty exciting movie. x3 was the first x men movie ive watched ever, so it was quite exciting. i have discovered new eyecandy, iceman! but gale harold and michael rosenbaum are still my first loves, but gale has been replaced by a very cute golden retriever puppy as my desktop background :) mavis cheryl shiyun and abel make good company so thank you : D

sunday was an exciting adventurous day, with alot of walking thanks to foo junsheng (and omg, i still have the blisters to prove it, and they still hurt. GRR) but good food good drinks and good company :) too tired to blog about it more, but yes. discovering new exciting places in singapore is good. and i missed scarlett hotel v much. memories memories but nvm, nvm,nvm. we look forward, not backward. or we try to at least.

speaking of which, i must really start studying. properly. and seriously. yes. for sat2s, and cts and everything else. whee :)

and strangely enough, the only one who has never broken any promises or has never said anything without meaning it or anything like that is.... its strange. thats why i should lower my expectations of everyone, so nothing disappoints and everything is like a happy bonus, just as it is with you. hmm.

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand

The green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you
And how could, anybody, deny you?

I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter now I met you
And honey you should know
That I could never go on without you
Green eyes

2006-05-22T23:40:00.000+08:00

talking to samjo yesterday, and shifting gears, and well alot of things really make me realise that they are people in my life who love me alot and will always be there for me, and i dont thank them and appreciate them enough. and i really should. and not constantly focus on the negatives in my life like some angsty teenager because there's so much to be grateful for. :)

shifting gears went pretty well, i think both plays were v good :] sad to end the last thing id be doing for rp on a..strange note. ah well. its true that what you put in=what you get out, really. went to liquid kitchen with random people after that, cheryl jerrine jade shiyun jon&friend abel evie.. yup. was feeling kinda grr-ish and angsty, but food= :] speaking of which, thankyou for peanutbutter brownie, pleasantly surprised that they were not only edible but nice haha.

qaf is ending soon :( then there's nothing to make me happy. a few more episodes of the last season, and the one i watched was damn sad. damn saddd. but then there's the oc now (thank you glen) so that can keep me happy for a while except there are a few more episodes till the season ends. ive run out of websites to surf, and online shopping isnt quite as appealing anymore, and i dont really feel like talking to anyone online, and im bored of spider solitaire. which means. no more excuses not to study. about time, anyway.

parents teachers meeting was surprisingly safe, even ms lui said nice things about me, and some teachers were extra nice. though i hope theyre actually being sincere and not just politically correct. but mr mac told mrs perry to tell my mum i havent handed in my heart of darkness essay :( tmr will be spent with my notes and my computer, typing essays. whee so exciting. end of term means 4 weeks of studying for common tests. woohoo. but i hate school, and actually sometimes i just feel like rotting at home. except hopefully ill actually study.

its weird, how i keep going in circles. moving further back, and i havent changed much. what i feel never really changes much. ever. the same thoughts are always there. but sometimes you just feel like giving up and learning to let go and realising there's no point trying, and trying. and your efforts are better spent elsewhere. such as studying, or on other people. other people who'd appreciate it more perhaps.

ah, my rolly readings lie unhighlighted. :( where is mugger shib pls return PLS, in time for SAT2s and common tests. this year is so fricking overwhelming, really. in a few months its byebye singapore education system byebye a levels and everything and hmm. sigh. i feel weird now. :

sa sucks

2006-05-18T00:21:00.000+08:00

not another year :( sigh, rugby finals today. and hockey :( since i know people like aisha read this i will attempt to be less angsty and horrible towards sa, since its quite irrational anyway. but rj ruggers will still be champions, in my eyes. its damn painful to see people you care about crying, damn damn painful. the look on their faces, in their eyes. :( to the ruggers, esp roland and glen, i love you guys and you have done the school proud no matter what. and to brenda too, i love you and i hope youre okay. :(

dont really know what else to say, except my life is weird, i am weird and confused and i have too much work to do. sigh. grumpy :(

fuck this

2006-05-13T19:49:00.000+08:00

wow, thank you. and for the 3rd time this year, too, huh? -_-

can someone explain to me why, why, WHY i'm so stupid.

counting down the months till the end of this november, term2 is almost over, soon. soon enough this will all be over and but a faded forgotten memory, chucked away in some dusty drawer in the corner of my mind. soon :)

updateupdate

2006-05-08T22:41:00.000+08:00

hello rotting blog i think its time for an update, just because im bored and im getting a bit bored of spider solitaire and i dont want to do heart of darkness essay and i cant watch qaf cuz both tvs are being used. so i shall blog.

life is boring, school is boring. my sister is in newyork, i am jealous. its been what, 6months since us trip, and still, still, the memories are as clear as just yesterday and i want to go back. looking through pictures was very bittersweet, and sometimes the singapore sky line makes me sad because the newyork skyline is so much prettier. ah well, in time, in time. a few more months. a few more months and a levels will be over and i can do WHATEVER i want and dont have to worry abt heart of darkness essays anymore.

speaking of which, sats were on saturday. waste of time, tiring, boring, stupid sats. but oh well i hope i do better. i am spending too much money and eating too much, i feel broke and fat. i am grumpy and mope-ey alot of late, and people are confusing and irritating, as usual. spider solitaire class95 onlineshopping and queer as folk make me happy :) and COLDPLAY CONCERT, omg, so excting. 10th july! i cant wait, i cant wait.

oh yes, must mention, cheryl ho i <3 you the sleepover at your house was very fun, i think its amazing how we lead such different lives with different people but they intersect in so many ways and in so many ways we're really v similar, still, and we still have very similar opinions and stuff. haha. all this makes all that happened exactly one year ago seem very stupid.

phototaking today. my first photo with 1b. omg, how much things have changed in a year,really. jc has been damn strange. like some rollercoaster, with me feeling damn high half the time and like i need to puke the other half of the time. bad analogy but i dont care im tired and i am bored and i have nothing better to do but blog because i dont want to use up the last page in my private diary, it will be sad. :(

and moniiii i am v happy for you <3 haha. you owe me, man. :)

i still hate being in j2. :[

mugger shib :)

2006-04-25T22:41:00.000+08:00

my blog is rotting. i think that my blog is becoming semi-pointless but whatever. hello to people like trish and huiting who i never knew read this thing haha :)

school's a bit better, but everything's still very monotonous with bits of drama here and there but even the drama seems repetitive. must say that the most amusing occurance of the day was hearing sarah nadia moni and dee screaming and squealing very loudly in the canteen haha. and, free ben and jerry's! food makes me v happy sometimes, like macs breakfast yesterday and ben and jerry's today. and i got 2 skirts yesterday and the stuff my sister sent me eons ago arrived in the mail today :) so exciting.

there's so much work to do, i realise i keep falling asleep and that keeps spoiling my plans of being a reformed person. return of the mugger shib :] weiqi and i were saying how our lives must center around academics and exercise and not relationships, friends, etc. haha who are we kidding. our semi (only semi) successful studying attempts yesterday and today, ben and jerry's > pe. haha oh well as long as we're all happy right?

thankyou dinky for the stuff :] marshmallow is very scared of the keychains that make the whistling sound thing HAHA. loser dog.

brighter than sunshineeeee

2006-04-17T23:12:00.000+08:00

today was a gross day in school. was very tired and 2.4 was disgusting, i was reminded for the thousandth time that i should never run when i have gastric. i was also getting severely annoyed and disgusted with people around me, i think i am getting extremely irritable of late but nvm. was also feeling the 'omg why do i even bother' syndrome with certain individuals, and had a disgusting migrane after 2.4 (i hate the sun really. walking 24 blocks up and down in an hour in winter in new york was seriously not a problem at all. but singapore weather is so disgustingly humid ughhh) and harvard talk was really demoralising. and i was feeling really demoralised during the harvard talk too, i dont know why i bothered to go (abel's fault!) cuz it sucks being reminded how inadequate you are. and being reminded of the memories of the past, which are all buried and long gone and extinct now.

BUT, nice phonecalls brighten up my day :] so thankyou mark and evie :] :] and abel and weiqi for the talks (confusing but nonetheless appreciated) in school :]

okay thats really all i have to say. my blog is becoming repetitive, every entry i whine and then end off by thanking nice wonderful people in my life. haha. but wonderful people need to be reminded that they make me happy and that they are loved <3

i must study more, really. my long weekend was disgustingly indulgent, i kept sleeping and eating. like a pig. and reading graphic novels and books and browsing sprees and being Useless with a capital U. haha. sigh.

angsty shibani

2006-04-12T21:51:00.000+08:00

i am feeling more and more angsty and emo as the minutes pass. the more i think about things and talk about things, the more things seem to be a big complicated mess. yesterday i cam home, and tried to blog. i opened this page and thought for a very long time about what to type, and i couldnt think of anything. i just felt like a mess of emotions and confused thoughts. i guess the phonecall after that helped a little, thank you monisha and gs for keeping me occupied with thoughts which are seperate from my own problems and confusions. i guess dinner and studying after school helped too, in a way(or not). everything is so strange, and weird. and i know im being silly, stupid, useless, hopeless and everything, i know that im making myself more confused. but i like things the way they are, all the same. i'd rather have things like this, anyway. so. whatever. :] and about other issues, not caring is really the only way to stay sane. i realise that in jc i have become alot more unconcerned about alot of things, or at least i try to be, if not i will really just die. and it was sad yesterday when i was thinking what(or rather, who) is actually going to stay with me after the two years of jc, other than a level grades and all that. ah well.

pw results are released tmr. hahahaha. a level schedule is out already. teachers are giving more and more work and while ive been alot more productive than usual, there's still so much to do and sometimes i just feel like listening to music, writing and emo-ing. like what i did on sunday and half of monday. and wasted alot of time, but oh well.

i miss the roadrunners, still. thank you abel, for listening to me complain rant and giving advice and stuff, today and all the time. :] thank you evie, i <3 you v much. thank you junsheng for telling me to 'just go and die lor'. haha. and to cheryl for nice company on sunday night :) and bestfriend! the world is a cruel place. blah. but i still love you!

I hope you are learning to listen
And I hope you are learning to stay
And I hope you find what you are missing
And I hope you're making your way

ora

2006-04-10T16:07:00.000+08:00

omg i am such a bum. i have not done anything productive since yesterday, except for math tuition and going to cheryl's house which wasnt exactly very productive. today i had plans to do many things, like econs history s math dental appointment yadayada but i cancelled my dental appointment, and i have been sleeping and watching tv and generally being a bum. history s remains in sketchy point forms and i dont feel like typing the whole thing out, and i think i should do more math tutorial qns cuz i am reformed. ah well.

anyway. saturday! ora. the bmdp donor recruitment/fundraising drive was a huge huge huge success. i think we all rock, esp chere :] thank you very very much to all who helped, particularly the comm and to all the volunteers and wonderful 1b people and to all who bought stuff and signed up to be bone marrow donors. apparently we got 800+ donors and raised close to $4100 which is seriously pretty amazing, since our target was 500 donors. and there will still be more on wednesday, all the raffles trail people and councillors. :] i feel very, very fulfilled. especially when the room was crowded and there were long finger-pricking queues. as cheesy as this sounds, this whole thing has made me realise that there is so much we can do to help others. so i will do alot of cip after a levels :]

haunted house was pretty terrifying. even when i knew the actors and had seen some of the rooms before and sorta knew what was going on in each room. it was still seriously freaky. or maybe i am just damn wimpy, esp when it comes to these kinda things. good job rp people, esp khin js samjo chengchai shumin.. i think its amazing how the avt can be turned into a haunted house in such a short time. :] r project, too, was really good. everyone looked very good, leslie was super funny, and the costumes were all pretty cool, and i think its wonderful that the huge amounts of money made from all these things go to the bmdp :] yay.

saturday was an extremely happy day, topped off by roadrunners pppp (post-post production party) at kfc, then at khin's place, which is gorgeous! it was so nice seeing and talking to everyone again, and we were all so high and happy. and just because we were feeling high and happy in each other's company, after ora, not because of the absolut peach and coke. samjo was dancing around madly and did not allow me to take any videos, but i have a few! mwaha. it was nice looking at khin's photos, listening to quiet and reading through the first parts of the script.. hmm. there are some memories of last year, and some friendships forged last year, that i try to hold on to as much as possible. and the roadrunners and the entires threesome experience are one of them. i love you guys <3 <3

okay i think i should actually start doing some work. i am supposed to be reformed. hmm.

pre-ora

2006-04-07T21:37:00.000+08:00

its been an extremely busy, fullfilling, tiring and, in all honesty, fun few days. prep for tmr has been rather intense, all the balloon blowing, packing, more balloon blowing, more packing, arranging of tables, setting up the room, briefing volunteers etc etc etc. but the 1b people and wonderful people like abel and huanna make mind-numbing factory-esque, assembly line work very enjoyable. so thank you all :] and to everyone who helped, even though they didnt have to or didnt particularly want to either, thank you, its for a very good cause. i am seeing so much orance, i think i am going insane. and i think block a&b looks very intimidatingly orange

so all rafflesians and anyone coming down for ORA carnival tmr, PLEASE sign up to be a bone marrow donor. a drop of blood and a bit of courage. and coming from a very pain-phobic person, the finger prick really does NOT hurt. really! and also donate money and buy charms :]

also, from the brief preview i had of haunted house. it is VERY VERY good. amazing what the rp people have done with the avt. so please go support haunted house, too. sorry rp people, junsheng samjo chengchai and khin esp, for the minimal help with haunted house. but roadrunners reunion tmr, yes? :]

these past few days have also been.. confusing. sometimes im so high and happy and delirious, other times i think i am artificially trying to make myself happy, and at other times i am so confused. and too tired to sort out what is happening, the implications, or what i am feeling. spending too much time in school has that effect sometimes. but im generally much happier, and its amazing how little things and amazing people and simple,priceless moments can make me so cheery. and the colour orange, too. and the fact that all our efforts are actually paying off, and the bmdp is getting tons of help and new people on their register. assembly talks made me tear, twice. because jane prior's daughter is very good at the appealing to your emotions thing, and because ive invested so much time and emotions into this project, and because its so rewarding to actually see your efforts paying off. when someone, a j1, said to me that he didnt need the info sheet because he was sure he was going to sign up to be a donor, i wanted to hug him. and all the volunteers, esp today, who stayed almost as long as the committee members, i wanted to hug them too. it renews my faith in rafflesians, and singaporeans in general. :]

so. i hope tmr goes well :]

Finally I figured out, but it took a long, long time
And now there's a turnabout, Maybe cause I'm trying
There's been times, I'm so confused
All my roads, They lead to you
I just can't turn, And walk away

It's hard to say, What it is I see in you
Wonder if I'll always, Be with you
But words can't say, And I can't do
Enough to prove, It's all for you

do you realize

2006-04-01T23:19:00.000+08:00

Do you realize
That you have the most beautiful face?
Do you realize
We're floating in space?
Do you realize
That happiness makes you cry?

Do you realize
That everyone you know someday will die?
And instead of saying all of your good-byes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do you realize?

Do you realize
That everyone you know someday will die?
And instead of saying all of your good-byes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do you realize
That you have the most beautiful face?

Do you realize?

i think mr reeves is going mad, as is all of us. his emails are sounding scary-er and scary-er. poor chengchai. -hugs.

i spent a fortune on books today, in my attempt to try to be more intellectual. but then i havent read much of them. watched munich instead. then, got scared and decided i cannot watch it alone and have been rotting online since. must be more productive tmr :] and i am getting a cough. coughcough. :[ sucks.

oh and! i got a C for econs, not a Disgusting D as i thought before, so im marginally happier. though it doesnt mean i did any better, it just means mr reeves was nice and rounded up my marks. got a B for history, as most people usually get. but it is far better than my promo grades, with alot less and sketchier studying. soo i am quite pleased. new imperialism= :]

and, watching bits of qaf s3 episode 8, i have concluded i NEED to watch season3 of qaf. like, now. now. NOW.

also. my maid thought that the absolut peach junsheng nicely gave to me in his nice blue bottle was water, and threw it down the sink. -_-. there goes my $20 worth of nice peachy vodka. but on a brighter note, i complained to my mum and she has promised a whole new dfs bottle by this wednesday when her friend comes back from hongkong. :] blessing in disguise.

okay i will retreat to the comforts of my bed and all the nice new fresh looking books. :] and omg, this has been such a random post.

before i forget! mavis i love you i hope everything turns out fine <3>

postpost cts

2006-03-28T23:56:00.000+08:00

i have decided to make conscious, committed attempts to reform my attitude towards work. econs and math in particular. i dont want to drop i dont want! i must really work alot harder for math, though i havent gotten back the results considering that there are 5 Fs and 4 Os i am 100% certain i lie somewhere within that range. boo. econs, well, i could have done (much) better but considering the effort i put it and my aptitude i guess i will settle for a Disgusting D. haha. international history was a pleasant surprise- quite a safe B and considering i really hardly studied ih and was smoking throughout the paper and thought i would get a borderline B or worse, i am veryvery relieved. i hope my euro hist doesnt fail me, rolly please be nice to me. thats all for common test results, for now.

and i realise that all the bullshit nonsense drama and sagas around me really do not matter to me as much as my results. i never thought id say this but even with everything around me, which trust me, is horrendous, 4 As (HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION, btw) will make me damn happy. tremendously. EXTREMELY. even my ih today made me rather happy, even though it wasnt anything near spectacular but i was relieved. and i realised that even if everything around me was perfect and wonderful, 4Fs or even 4 Os or 4 Es will make me very sad. so i will focus my energies on something useful and positive, such as academics and making people i love happy. i quote glen, 'life is too short to waste on people who dont really give a shit abt you'. so people who make me happy are wonderful and the rest should just disappear in siberia. :]

to you; please cheer up i have full faith in you and your abilities so please do too, because i know when it really matters you are going to do brilliantly and your future is going to be bright and wonderful and you are so not a failure okay! so please be happy, please? :]

and

to you; YOU! 'attachment is weakness'! remember okay? remember! i love you very much and you and i will get though this together okay? flcb sucks! :] <3 <3

and JUNSHENG, i love you very much thanks for making me anticipate school with much excitement tmr. :]

AND! happy belated birthday chere :] :] may your days be filled with happiness and hamster-ey goodness haha.

post cts

2006-03-23T10:52:00.000+08:00

cts were quite a disaster. but then thats largely my fault since i hardly studied enough. and i thought i could pass math for the first time but i think i will get an O for the 3rd time in my life. (or worse, omg, the horror.) but! i dont care about cts anymore. at least not till tmr morning when i do my pc paper and then it will officially be over :] i just dread the results

post-ct fun was very relaxing. good company good shopping good food and most of all MOS which was gorgeous and probably the nicest clubbing experience of my life. probably? the songs were such happy songs and everyone was very happy and so it was good. and empowerment songs make us (particularly monisha&me) forget about horrible people and disgusting situations haha. and ranting and bitching is good for the soul. haha. so i tried to ignore stupid msgs and things that made me sad and good music and good company and a bit of alcohol makes it easier. i love mavis evie moni and zul v much :]

but since horrible things cannot be ignored (especially when there are many horrible things at the same time), i think people are very disappointing. or some people are very disappointing. so yes perhaps i should really lower my expectations of people. there are some people who disgust me tremendously as well for example secret slores and people who have in my opinion, quite screwed up priorities and while i try to ignore it, i hate that the end of cts sort of highlights again and again these various disgusting people. ugh. but! not-caring is the key to happiness. ignorance is bliss. yes and i will play all the empowerment songs from yesterday and feel happy and not emo, reflective or sad :] and clarke quay will be a happy place from now on. memory filtration, yes?

okay the rest of this week seems very exciting and fully-planned and it starts with v for vendetta (which, will be a happy memory after watching it with nice people later) and (more) shopping even though im disgustingly broke and birthday present shopping and exciting things like that. whee.

and then after this week life gets back to normal. ugh.

and btw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZUL my bestfrienddd <3 <3

feesh and co

2006-03-09T00:20:00.000+08:00

:] happy! fish and co was a happy nice gathering, the mood was very high and uplifting and very nice. samjo dancing on the table and almost making it topple and being told to get off after was very funny, moni and i took very interesting photos and we celebrated mark's bday. and weiqi won free ben and jerry's. AND the food was nice. everyone seemed happy. yay trish and the rest of the entre people rock and bmdp is richer and happy.

gp common test today. very unexciting affair, i felt like sleeping most of the time during the paper. felt like curling up in a little corner of the lt in the oversized hoodie and just falling asleep. but! i just wrote and wrote till time was up. i hope i do okay, if not mr purvis will laugh at me and call me stupid :[ went to school at 11 or so today, i didnt want to wake up. its such a wonderful feeling, waking up and going up to school whenever you like. school is a horrible thing. its the holiday's next week. and then there's common tests.

speaking of which i have 3 essays to do and have made zero progress on all. i dont seem to want to start doing any work at all. and its a recurring thing, every night, vegitating in front of the computer. not good. every week has been suitably indulgent and work-free. speaking of which saturday was one of the single most interesting nights of my life. seriously. in every sense of the word. so many firsts in a night. and so much excitement. too much, because it felt so surreal and strange to get back to work and normalacy the morning after. must do that again soon, or not. considering common tests are painfully close and i have not attempted to start studying. i cant even freaking finish homework. what more revise. omg i am going to die. nvm i will remember mr mac's words, its only a lousy first common test :]

oh yes. people assume things easily dont they? haha funny, people seem to know more about my life than i do. haha. whatever, people can be very stupid sometimes.

too tired to go on. i hope all of you are happy :] i can stay happy if i dont think about my mountain of work. yay.

youuuuuu make me happy. not just one you, many many lovely you-s. :]

change. and you you and you.

2006-03-03T22:43:00.000+08:00

wow a week since dramafeste.. everything's whizzing past in one big blur, everything feels so surreal and unreal and unbelievable. change is so sudden.. and sometimes so drastic and you just cant understand or rationalise how things happen. but they just.. do.

the week since friday/saturday has been pretty indulgent...mezza9 twice in a week and random fun moments which involve skateboards, good island creamery ice cream and interesting, very interesting conversations and bimbo moments and good indian food, learning to eat with my hands!, scrapbooks and most of all good company. especially when school ends, because lessons can be painful and sleep inducing. today felt a bit.. strange, unlike the rest of the week. but good anyway. went out with abel after going out with weiqi and had oteam meeting in between. very much like what life was like a while ago.. before dramafeste and all that. it felt kinda good, catching up with people. and talking to people who well.. know me and understand me and all that.

speaking of which i think i am dealing with too much of my own selfish little issues to care about so much of the drama happening around me. though sometimes i cannot help it, because some things i care about. but some i just dont and i dont want to pretend that i do. there's too much drama in 1b, its so tiring. i hate it when people cant just say what they feel, i hate having to read between the lines and interpret people's actions and always guess what theyre thinking its so tiring, and to do this repeatedly, over and over again.. its tiring. but there's always after school to look forward to, or there has been for almost every day this week.. i am happy very easily. and also sad very easily. group hugs are nice things, even if people think we're weird cuz we hug too much and for too long with long periods of silences haha. sorry weiqi, if we freaked you out.

skating in 1b was also a very strange and foreign but cool thing. i dont think anyone's ever skatd in 1b before. jade's pretty good and gaoshen as usual tries to show off but well.. haha. 'best actor' :] i think i must learn to skate properly one day, it seems pretty fun. whenever we're in 1b samjo and chengchai tend to pop over. i think we're all suffering from post dramafeste withdrawal symptoms. its been a week. last week this time i think i was screaming and being all happy and hugging and taking photos.. sometimes there are single moments that i'd do anything to return to.. single moments in which everything seemed to make sense and nothing really mattered except the moment itself.. little bits of pure unadulterated happiness.

mr dramafeste cast, navjote and jade and the crew, i miss you guys alot. PPP soon, please! a proper nice one with all of us there and well fun like marmalade pantry sorta fun :]

i think i keep living in the past, and basing my predictions for the future on my past, and being cynical. and thats not good, but i dont trust things will turn out the way i want them too, and all this is too familiar, too many parallels, it scares me. it really, really does. and btw the emergence of very strange couples hasnt stopped, at all. very strange couples. but whatever makes you happy i guess?

the distinction i got for my first lit s makes me happy. academically i usually feel inferior to alot of people around me, being in humans and all and things like this just make me feel more.. confident i guess. of my own abilities. im tired so im being pretty honest and i dont really care about what im typing about. back to reality, i have a ton of readings for everything possibly readable and a lot of math homework and im behind, falling behind and this year is primarily about the a levels, i think. well its supposed to be anyway. so i should focus on what really matters, whats really important. except im not sure if i know what that is.

'its just a lousy first common test' i think mr mcconnell said something like that in class today. and mrs perry said there's much more to worry about in life. and i get what she means, it coming from her. we love you mrs perry, please take care. if you do read this, which you probably wont. and im sorry for not doing my pc yet, i am horrible.

okay im too tired to say any more. except i love you three, i miss you and i miss the way things used to be, as always im living in the past and as always i should watch what im doing more. im sorry, i really am. and confused, too.

and junsheng, i want to win the yahoo auction bid NOW and sit by your poolside with khin and you and drink and talk, like before :]

dramafeste 2006

2006-02-25T14:22:00.000+08:00

yesterday was probably one of the most amazing nights of my life. and most memorable. and emotional. DRAMAfeste, indeed.

its been an amazing month of rehearsals, late nights, the guys scaring the girls at night, messy dinners and messing up a41/a61, gautam cheers, and i dont believe how wonderfully things have turned out. to the MR dramafeste cast, navjote, jade, gautam and the crew, i love you guys and i am extremely proud of all of us, especially the cast for the amazing performance last night. no one expected this at the start of dramafeste prep, not the other houses, probably not even ourselves.. but 3 out of 5 awards. best actor best direction and most importantly, best play. congrats nav jade and gaoshen :] im so grateful, so thankful.. i really dont know what else to say. i honestly had my doubts about dramafeste, i wasnt particularly in love with my house and i remember thinking that i would have rather been in bb or hh or mt cuz of the people i had worked with previously and were close to in those houses.. js chengchai khin samjo zul etc etc etc. but i wouldnt change all of this, for anything. i am being incoherent i know im not exactly capable of thinking properly. everything seems so.. surreal. but yes i love you guys. the euphoria that passed through me when we were holding hands and waiting for the results and hearing 'morrison-richardson' was really.. undescribable. really. i dont think ive felt that happy in a very long time, and screamed that much and hugged so many people. and now we get our free buffet treat! haha so much icing on the cake. :] yes once again, i love you guys <3 BEST PLAY :] :] omgosh. its been so.. worthwhile. :]

on a similar note. monisha gaoshen and jade, though i dont think you guys will read this but, i love you guys. i dont exactly know how all of this happened, in a week? so many things will remind me of all the stupid jokes and all the places with special significance in school will always remind me of you guys. i dont know how things will be from here, with dramafeste over and all. i really hope we dont drift, and i think the tears made that pretty clear. and i know we all dont want to drift. so i really hope we dont. i dont think i can say anymore here, but well i really do love you guys. and gaoshen, congrats on best actor :] and jade, on best director :]

to all the people who gave flowers and hugs and congratulations and everything else, i love you all very much too. <3!

to hadleyhullett, particularly junsheng and zul, i love you guys. i really do, and i do hope youre okay. its so stupid that things should turn out that way, really. sighh. -hug. to bw and particularly cheryl, congrats on best script and best actress. to the other houses, i really think all the plays were fantastic and all houses were really equally matched so congrats. to chengchai, and numerous other people, but cc in particular, its very hard to look at you and not feel guilty and i do hope youre okay. i have been overusing the word love in this post, i think. and this post is becoming very emo. and reflective (like the river :] ).

i hate the way life goes on after this. yesterday was seriously such a rollercoaster ride, ups and downs and highs and lows and a really wide spectrum of extreme emotions. nervousness guilt euphoria excitement helplessness.. and yes guilt. alot of moments of 'omg wtf am i doing?' but it was a really intense night, and well i wouldnt have it any other way actually. multiple interracial non-sexual emotional relationship, aye. :] alcohol emo songs and too much drama is a deadly combination. plus the fact that we are all girly girls who are very prone to crying.

okay i dont know what else to say, i am tired. my tummy feels weird and i dont want life to get back to normal, i hate the fact that dramafeste has ended. that felt so weird to type. dramafeste has ended. i have 4 essays due next week. i skipped two days of school this week. common tests are soon. life gets back to normal, j2 life gets back to being horrible and disgusting :[ sigh.

once again. MR DRAMAFESTE 2006 ROCKED, i love you guys <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
'and that has made everything...worthwhile.'

valentines, franz

2006-02-18T00:11:00.000+08:00

valentines day came and went, and it was so much better than i excepted it to be. i kinda dreaded valentines day but i felt so loved and happy and high and the losers' outing to marmalade pantry after with my lovely mr dramafeste cast/directors/pm was damn fun :] marmalade pantry has damn good food, as always, and we had tons of nonsense-ish fun like speaking in cheena accents and being totally loser and jumping in the grass and trying (and failing) to do cheerleading stunts. and thanks to all the wonderful people who gave me gifts! 1b people, 1e people, and everyone else who was kinda enough :] and of course, monisha, for the free food. you are loved <3

franz ferdinand was amazing, AMAZING, and i almost touched alex's guitar/hands (LIKE 10cm or less away or something. DAMN why am i so short) and got his autograph on my ticket. super exciting. its been a busy week, rehearsals and plays and concerts and more rehearsals. and essays being rushed and squeezed in here and there. its almost 1, and i have to be in school at 8 tmr, and i lost my funorama tickets. and i want to sleep. :[ dramafeste is next week, and j2 sucks. i think i echo the sentiments of every j2 when we say we just want to be j1 again. though a good thing about j2 is the faster its over the faster i get to leave and be with dinika in the land of the free and the home of the brave, hopefully.

pavillion last week was such well deserved fun, a good break. and then i woke up and had to do 2 essays. sigh. oh yes and i got my sat results. this is such a disjointed entry. but anyw it was pretty.. average? i dont know what else to say. except that i got full marks for math, which is VERY surprising. i think i will retake it, i dunno. probably. no harm in that anyw. except a waste of a saturday morn.

and well i just dont understand. and i dont think you do, either. naive, so freaking naive. sigh. SEE i can tell this is just going to be a cycle, cycle of ups and downs which will just repeat itself. and thus i should just Not Bother. seriously. but i dont think i have the ability to not bother, which sucks.

okay people please watch dramafeste :] tickets are like sold out for friday? haha i think we rock. okay i think i will just do makeup or smth for collegeplay since i should prioritise and get my commitments in order, such as MATH > drama, etc. ahwell. gdnite everyone :]

j2, sigh

2006-02-09T22:26:00.000+08:00

every blog i read, everyone who i talk, regardless of school class or whatever, to seems to be dying from j2. from the mountain of work and the insane schedules and everything else. j2 is really turning out to be horrible, in too many ways. and im so tired, i hardly feel like going to sch. i never feel like dragging myself out of bed every morning. other than s papers sometimes. and dfeste.

speaking of dfeste, im having more fun than i imagined. i love the cast + jade and nav, extremely like minded people. people who ive had alot of fun with last year like jon and yam and also people who im getting to know alot better like gaoshen and joel and monisha, isabella, shawn and justina. its nice to end days with rehearsals and card games and nice dinners and alot of rubbish and laughter. and of course gautam is always there to provide a nice outlet for insults :] today was particularly fun, with joel wearing the rj uniform and then gaoshen wearing the rg one and walking arnd the canteen, entering the female toilet, etc. very very very funny. i wish i had my camera :( then a nice dinner at fish&co. after, which was nice. swordfish collar looks like kfc but it tastes goood. jade almost walked into the male toilet. sigh my bimbo director is embarrassing. haha. and interesting revelations too.

today was marginally better than other days i suppose. because of dramafeste, and less lessons. 1b decided to wear our secondary sch uniforms, and i was a st nics girl for a day since i lost my cedar uniform. elaine and candice BOTH kindly informed me that there were no indians in st nics which explains why i looked strange in the uniform haha. charles definitely attracted the most attention, as a cat high boy. its alot better pretending to be a j1. nothing matters so much when youre in j1. i wish it were last year. :(

it was rolly's birthday too. we gave him alot of things. like the aston villa jersey with 'rolly' at the back and a book on lola montez and the cake and the banner. i think i think too much. but isnt it unfair? i cant imagine us doing this for mr kwok.. or ms lui.. and i mean i felt sort of guilty. the whole western fixation thing. like we are preserving the mindsets that were present during colonial times. and btw i am including myself in the 'i'. but of course rolly kinda does deserve it, i guess. he is funny and really,really charismatic.

reading the bell jar scares me. i seem to be feeling an overdose of teenage angst recently. though i really hate that phrase, so more like overdose of emo-ness. i think i should just be mechanical and not think too much about the point of all of this and just.. go for classes rehearsals auditions meetings s papers and go home. and then maybe id be happier. it seems to selfish, focusing on my stupid little pathetic life and complaining and whining and brooding and everything when people have problems which are so much.. more. so much bigger.

to all the j1s getting their results tmr! all the best <3 esp to aisha fatima auds manpreet, people in my og if you guys are reading this, and isabella and monisha for higher chinese! i want my marmalade pantry treat!! :]

hopefully saturday will be fun. rehearsals and then the party at fareastsq, and cheryl's sleeping over. its been so long since ive had proper sort of fun, like clubbing and sleepovers and stuff. and ive missed it. then sunday comes along and ill realise i have essays and math and a ton of work to finish up and another week of school, horrible horrible school to get through.

and eddy, happy 18th (though im an hour early) ! <3!

annoucement

2006-02-05T19:29:00.000+08:00

this is for all the shameless people who owe me $30 from NEW YEARS EVE(for the hotel room, in case you all forget). please pay poor mr mahtani, he is long suffering already as it is. jon yam abel shiyun cheryl hazmi zul! please pay me :] haha. thank you. and its after chinese new year so you should all have sufficient cash.

i think blogging has become pointless. i havent updated in a while, i know. on the other hand my blacknotebook which i got on new years eve as a belated christmas present(and have been using ever since), is almost halfway filled with my messy handwriting. hardly anything now is meant for public reading.

life is just.. very busy, hectic. and generally very blah. i am feeling very blah. i used to hate it when people said that. blah is such a vague word. the only thing keeping me sane now are people around me, or some people around me. and im thankful for that. this year sucks, its just 9 more months or so though. till this horrible j2 nightmare is over. until then i hope i survive.

and im still addicted to tv shows and have been spending hours online, vegetating. honestly i need to sort out my priorities. :[

busybusy

2006-01-27T22:03:00.000+08:00

i shouldnt be blogging, give that my SATs are in less than 12hours and i've only done one practice paper and random practice qns from the book.. and im at A for the word list. thats... quite disgusting. and to american universities, sats are far more important since early decision apps are before you even sit for A's.. i think? or around the same time. which is scary. but oh well shall probably end up retaking them, considering that im so unprepared. i shall just hope for the best for tmr. :] and hope that somehow magically i chose all the right letters. and survive a 3 and a half hour mcq paper, yikes.

eventful week, two movies, MR dramafeste first rehearsals, humans party and my first time at eskibar. the movies were both amazing. le grand voyage and memoirs of a geisha. the first much less hyped about, but extremely meaningful and touching. the ending was unsatisfactory though, sad and sort of unresolved. but i thought the ending of geisha was too overcome-all-odds and unrealistically happy. and there was a severe LACK of male eyecandy. and alot of female eyecandy.

dramafeste rehearsals were reallyreally fun. charades was highly amusing, but please someone explain to me how the hell youre supposed to act out kilometres per hour??! haha. i think eventhough mr isnt a powerhouse house with all those Extremely Talented rp people, i do see potential in the j1s and the j2s and i really do hope we can win.. and we shall try our best too by being a Nice, Open, Not-Overly-Competitive house :] we are nice people :]

humans party was well.. i arrived at 9. because my dad got lost in bukit batok after taking a wrong turn. so silly. but it was fun for the time we were there, and after.. the junior 1b seems very nice and sweet and fun. and i now undestand sarah's love for kaiyang after hearing him sing, ohmygoddd. my mortal found out who i am! how unfun. but she is very nice. as is my angel who gave me sees candys and toffees from marks and spencers! :]

we went to holland v after that, on the way i talked to mavis abt personal-ish stuff after what felt like an eternity which was very good.. we must shop soon okay mavis :] went to coffee bean after that, which was good cuz little 1b seems the hang out other than school hours sort, and thats always a good thing. then eskibar after that, where i drank the most but was the least red. and no, please no 'red does not show on black' sort of jokes. WEIQI i know what you were thinking, okay.haha. but the company was good. my us trip roomates! us trip.. sigh i miss those two weeks so so much. and trips change people. good example, yowie is becoming like charles after the bangkok archery trip. and that is really quite scary. haha.

this year is turning out to be very different from what i expected it to be. im extremely busy but that was expected. but in class, in terms of the consistency i expected from well, as recently as december... i thought i kind of escaped politics and bitching and emotionally stressful experiences and entered the safe friendly happy 1b (well mostly) for most of last year, and even during the us trip that was sort-of a reiterated concept but this is far more emotionally tiring than last year. and its so messy and complicated and involves so many people. rarr, whatever. i wish i had the capacity to not care sometimes.

and, i am Extremely Good at identifiying people who are.. well like the people on QaF. speaking of which i watched 4 QaF episodes straight today (since i was at home, whats the point of going to school for 2 hours of celebrations?) instead of studying for SATs. someone should shoot me. :[

and i hate chinesenewyear. its boring, and i eat alot of junk food and I HAVE ALOT OF WORK. grr. but! i have manymany dvds and 5 books which will keep me sufficiently entertainted. and i will probably end up abandoning my work, hmm.

i am still silly and dwelling over things i shouldnt be and still wondering and rationalising and waiting and hoping and questioning and BEING SILLY. ugh i wish i could delete all my emo songs, but i know i wont because yes sometimes i can relate to 'my november guest', indulging in my 'sorrows' and all. rarr whatever. i should be studying for SATs.

who uses words like abstemious, anyway?!?

z-unit

2006-01-21T00:12:00.000+08:00

big THANK YOU to z-unit people for being absolutely wonderful and giving me the best pick up ever after a very very long two academic weeks. the presents were lovelyyyy... bunny ears, very cute keychain, the damn cool and fascinating mug and the pretty book full of damn sweet notes. i love you guys <3 <3 <3 THANK YOU :] i am extremely touched

its marshmallow's first birthday tmr :] and he's having a birthday party! haha. my dog's damn happening okay.

much too tired to blog any more, rarrr.

stef i miss you!

i miss you.

2006-01-16T22:30:00.000+08:00

i woke up today and didnt feel like going to school.. so i didnt. been having my own personal tv marathon over the weekend and today, which is getting in the way with my study plans. but one tree hill is so addictive, and my mum has just returned with the complete second season and the first season of QaF. and the o.c. and smallville has started again. which spells doom with a capital D. watched the last episode of the first season of one tree hill today.. and started sobbing and sobbing. as i usually do during last episodes of tv shows, theyre written to make you sad. always. and well there was so many things that were so applicable to my life that just.. struck me. and well, the song at the end.. run by snow patrol. reminded me of things ive been trying to forget.

anyway. went to school late for bmdp meeting and dramafeste meeting.. then shopped for glen's birthday present with jade. happy 18th birthday in advance glen :] i'm slowly discovering more people that i have things in common with, like JEAN primary school friend i love you and i am your theraphist :D and jade! we enjoy cabbing to places and hate running (other than when we think we're going to miss mrt trains or to get out of the rain heh) and eat rather little. i dont mind that things like df and the bmdp thing is going to take up a considerable amount of my time.. as well as SiMUN and stuff. because of the people involved too. makes school related activities alot more fun.

there's so much i miss about last year though. my life now is significantly different from what it used to be, and my circle of friends and the people i hang around with.. and how i spend my days in school. school this year is going to be such a nightmare. things just sort of keep going downhill.. and i feel so incredibly helpless, i dont know what to do to prevent things from becoming any worse. (if thats even possible) walking through town today after a very long time, and it reminded me of recent memories of walking through the same places.. like hyatt hotel. and orchard mrt. and far east.. and as silly as this sounds i wish for the holidays again. when i was alot happier and when life seemed so much simplier and everything seemed like a dream, while it lasted. i mean of course i knew things like that dont last forever.. jc has been a whole cycle of people who i've gotten close to and then slowly drifted away in such short times. everything very fleeting. but i could hardly have imagined this. ah well. ive spent too much time thinking about all of this that i just dont know what to say anymore. this blog isnt quite as reflective as my current state of mind or emotions, because there's always this consciousness that people are reading this so. things that should be kept private are.. kept private. i'm not very open about alot of things, contrary to what i used to think about myself.

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
The webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
And hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)

not like it matters anyway, right.

btw to you you and you who shall not be named (yes thats 3 different people), thankyou so much i love you all. go figure out whether im talking about you :]

hows it gonna be

2006-01-11T21:13:00.000+08:00

i just got home and now its pouring. nice timing. rainy nights are lovely (though not when you have position papers and a ton of overdue math to finish up)

its been an emotionally exhausting past few days.. alot that left me wondering whether i'm totally missing something here or whether everyone around me is just insane. the mountain of work piling up is starting to worry me too. its going to be a busy busy weekend.

went for the george soros talk today, pretty last minute decision. it was fairly interesting, except its rather hard to keep awake when the two people on either side of you keep falling asleep (hanyi and stef. surprised, anyone?). kishore mabhubani is really an excellent, excellent speaker. terribly engaging.

position paper after that with stef.. actually its not like either of us did anything heh but nvm :D thank you shang, you are amazing we really owe you one! and for adding much laughter and happiness into my rather horrible day. :] days like this i understand how important friends are to my sanity. or well.. the opposite applies too actually.

everything's so.. weird. and complicated. it was supposed to be an amazing 2006, despite the work and all. but honestly, the only thing that is going to matter in a few years is my SATs, my grades, what college i get into, and that is all dependent on this year. so, i should not distract myself with things which seem like they matter the world to me now and focus on what this year is about- my future.

i was in taka yesterday having dinner and there was a fire! which was very exciting. we were at crystal jade and the fire was at coca which was very nearby and it was all smoky.. complete with tons of fire engines and firemen outside taka too. and policemen. and we were all calmly eating until we finished our food and went out and realised how smoky it was. haha. random exciting information :]

and i should try to stop cursing so much. hmm.

I wonder
How's it gonna be
When you don't know me
How's it gonna be
When you're sure I'm not there
How's it gonna be
When there's no one there to talk to you
Between you and me
'Cause I don't care
How's it gonna be
How's it gonna be

not again

2006-01-08T01:32:00.000+08:00

Hear you talk so loud and clear
Can't help feeling something's near
Though you've not said much
You said it all

Been four weeks it starts to show
Last in line for you I know
Though you've not said much
You said it all

But I'd stay for you
I'd go right through
I'd be here close
When you need it most
I'd be around
If you felt down
I'd bring you flowers
Sit and talk for hours

Finish up and dry my face
I'm shining like a new penny
I'll never light your eyes up like they should

But I'd stay for you
I'd help you through
Though your not mine
Already knew
I'd cheer you up
If you felt down
I'd make you smile
I'd be around
I'd stay for you
I'd go right through
I'd be here close
When you need it most
I'd be your type
Whatever you like
I'd bring you flowers
Sit and talk for hours

I'd cheer you up
If you felt down
I'd make you smile
When you came around

stef i don't know what i'd do without you, so thankyou. tonight was.. probably the most emotionally tiring night in a while. i feel very.. blah. in one word. so much for the resolutions i made this afternoon. i knew i wouldnt keep them anyway.

my life starts on monday, officially. wow. its going to be a very eventful year, i can feel it. its j2, shouldnt we all be hiding in corners and studying?

over

2006-01-07T13:16:00.000+08:00

so, its over. just like that. the many months of planning, the time orientation took up from my holidays, and now i have to get back to reality. my life. and all that. sigh. :(

mixed feelings about it being over. i cant wait to get back to 1b, i missed them alot alot alot. but orientation was fun, thank you z-unit for being extremely enthusiastic abt the z'king and z'queen item, so enthusiastic abt everything really and also very sweet. as evie said, 'shib your og is damn cute!' and mark, 'shib why is your og so punk one'. haha. and for those not-as-enthu ones, thanks for providing me with alot of entertainment(eg: gabriel and weiren). and hazmi and sergius for helping alot, and being v v useful and good co-ogls. and the crashers like evie abel jon alps eddy mark joel lawrence shang etc etc because seeing you guys around made me happy :]

have alot of comments, but not much time. i have to start planning my life, or at least next week. before the work consumes me and i end up dead. still very tired, the longer update will have to wait till later. tata

2005, in a survey

2006-01-01T16:26:00.000+08:00

you know, usually these survey things are quite meaningless. but last year(or last last year) i promised id do one every year, and compare it, then see how much ive changed. and this is taken from my livejournal. go do it too, post it on your blogs :)

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd neverdone before?
club? drink shots. haha.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions,and will you make more for next year?
no, and not really.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
no, thankfully

4. Did anyone close to you die?
ditto

6. What would you like to have in 2006 thatyou lacked in 2005?
discipline, and happiness i guess. but thats such a vague term. and very dependent on how happy i want myself to be.

7. What dates from 2005 will remain etchedupon your memory, and why?
the us trip, because it was amazing. especially the times in newyork, and that night in mark and shang's room talking, and bus rides with stef, and the plane rides.. the day when we told the class (1e) during civics that we were going to 1b.. my display of emotions arent usually so public. my birthday and the day after that, the surprise party. when i got marshmallow. first day of school, for obvious reasons. the night we went to rav. too many sleepovers. too much to list, honestly

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
academically, promo grades and getting 2 s papers. but other than that, growing up and maturing alot since the beginning of the year.

9. What was your biggest failure?
MATH. haha. singaporeans tend to think of failure in terms like that, usually. academic. haha. ah well.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
ya mental illness, or at least i think i do sometimes. haha. flu and stuff. usual rubbish.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
bad question, shopping has reached new heights this year. too many. but i love my razr, v much. though that was a gift. AND MARSHIE :]

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
i don't want to list, because there's too many people and i dont want to miss anyone out.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
different people at different times of the year. things like this shouldnt be listed on a public blog

14. Where did most of your money go?
shopping! eating? clubbing? but mainly. SHOPPING.

15. What did you get really, really, reallyexcited about?
hmun trip. thats all i can really think about. threesome, maybe?

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
sway-the perishers

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier, as long as i want to be

b) thinner or fatter?probably the same

c) richer or poorer?hmm, im not sure. poorer perhaps. EH wait. richer. scholarship money. :)

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
math! s paper preparations! (im a secret nerd, actually no im just panicking cuz the holidays are ending) be more involved in school stuff during the beginning of the year. more sleepovers.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
thinking and being emo, being too focused on the past, being too broody and sensitive.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
spent it already. with alot and alot and alot of food and my parents, dinika and sufiyan

21. Did you fall in love in 2005?
well well..hmm. i doubt so.

22. How many one-night stands?
obviously none. haha.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
THE O.C. , still. as it was last year.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn'thate this time last year?
not hate, its too strong a word.

25. What was the best book you read?
portrait of dorian gray?

26. What was your greatest musicaldiscovery?
the perishers! death cab! the postal service, dishwalla.. mostly thanks to glen :]

27. What did you want and get?
many material things. humanities scholarship. 2 s papers. again, secret nerd. marshie :]

28. What did you want and not get?
hmm.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
just like heaven, because im too soppy for my own good. harry potter! and i cant remember alot of the movies i watched this year.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
17. spent it in school. and seeing dinika off. as usual, very normal. but the day after was amazing, thank you 1e :]

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
hmm. a greater sense of purpose in life i guess. but im not really complaining i had an amazing 2005, despite everything.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
i dunno, usual stuff? skirts jeans and tops? what else is there..

33.What kept you sane?
music, shopping and friends. some more than others though.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
adam brody, still. :]

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
katrina, i guess. i dont know. im generally too selfish and involved in my own life :)

36. Who did you miss?
nadia, yisha, keying. mainly.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
its very hard choosing just one, actually. considering most of my friends i just met this year. but at this point of my life, considering everything.. stef :]

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson:"life sucks, deal with it". courtesy of yowie. hmm honestly i cant think of a more valuable life lesson.

i think through that i just realised how much ive changed in the past year. sometimes im not sure whether its a good thing, but i guess so. though im so moody and this thing just probably reflects my very 'bla' state of mind right now. are new years supposedto be exciting? i see orientation in the near future, and SATs. and a levels 10 months away, and a whole lot of rubbish in between. and a year left with people who've come to mean so much to me. being a j2. handling many many commitments next year and academics. and yet retaining a fair bit of enjoyment and lazing around and going out, because if not ill just disintegrate and die. i dont know what im going to do next year. i wish i were permanently on the us trip. semi-escapism, from the work, from family to a certain extent. with such priceless company. i think newyears eve greatly surpasses the way im going to spend the rest of my 2006. wow its 2006. and my room is still in a mess. new years eve was pretty good, though i must admit that i preferred the afternoon to the night. except for the hyatt buffet which we leeched on. free champagne!

2005 has been a whirlwind of emotions and events and just a whole lot of high higs and low lows. a maturing process, definitely. but an amazing year. though not always good, sometimes much too much to handle.. some of the most difficult decisions of my life.. i still think i hardly regret anything. i learnt so much more about myself, the people around me, human nature in general. in terms of academics, the most challenging but also the most rewarding year so far.. i dont know what to say except, wow its been an amazing year. sorry not very coherent im surviving on very little sleep.

i hope we'll all have a good 2006, really.

this christmas

2005-12-26T23:06:00.000+08:00

christmas in singapore was usual, and boring. christmas or generally public holidays always have horrible elements hiding somewhere, and i'm more or less immune after all these years. so christmas was alright, normal. ended on quite a good note i think, because drinks are always so much fun. and the lychee martinis at harry's are heavenly.

vegitating at home is very indulgent, after all the orientation prep and christmas shopping and being out for manymany hours. holidays used to be about this, sleeping and rotting, watching tv and dvds and more sleeping and rotting. but these holidays have been about orientation, rap SATs(or at least attempts at starting SAT prep), S paper readings, school (ALOT of school) and whatever else. and good busy things too, like the US trip. which i miss truckloads. i was wishing for snow this christmas, and giant trees like the one at the rockerfeller centre and the bright lights of nyc, and of course the wonderful company that i enjoyed on the trip. which made the boring, hot/rainy, and rather lonely christmas quite hard to accept. but family (sometimes) makes good company and thankyou all you nice people for the msgs, cards, christmas greetings, presents and whatever else. shall not name, you know who you are :]

i must find time to blog a very long entry about the year in retrospect, and it will be very very long indeed, cuz there's too much to say. clearing out my memory drawer today was rather bittersweet, alot of things i didnt feel like chucking away in giant shoeboxes but i had to make space for new letters,cards and other memory-related things, ticket stubs or whatever. shall save that very long entry for a time closer to the 31st :]

i dont want to go for opacking :( i want to vegitate at home until i officially become a j2 and have to drag myself down to school at 6am/6:45am every morning for a week. -sniffles.

boston2

2005-12-21T01:09:00.000+08:00

i think i should continue updating abt the trip. since it was so eventful, but thats kinda the problem. i dont know where to start.

too many hilarious moments. the most memorable one, kweddy moment in the lift on the way up to the top of the empire state. "you can have all of me". cringe-worthy but i swear provided enough entertainment to last a while. eddy is such a fag mag, bob the builder, peakwok and ha-choo!. the view from the top of the empire state building was absolutely breathtaking. despite the extremely strong winds, and the crowd. but it was absolutely amazing. city lights are incredibly gorgeous, i love newyork. it epitomises the idea of a beautiful, bustling, vibrant city with the incredible amount of skyscrapers and wonderful shopping and well-dressed newyorkers. breathtaking really. and yes natural beauty in the form of central park though thats not realy natural, and the monuments such as the statue of liberty. i cant think of anywhere else i'd rather live. but of course its pretty naive to think that 3 days in newyork as a tourist surrounded by friends would give an accurate description of life in the city itself. but still there's something about america. maybe ive just been very successfully brainwashed by the media, and the fact that ive never really felt a sense of belonging in singapore made the brainwashing alot easier. plus the whole idea of democracy and freedom and human rights and freedom of press appeals to the idealist within me. misguided idealist, according to yowie. though its probably not everything or anything its made out to be, i still would rather live in america over anywhere else in the world as i have since i was in seconday school or maybe younger.hmm.

mm oreo candy bars are very good.

i think that we should have had more freedom during the trip though. like in boston, wondering the streets ourselves and photowhoring and shopping at prudential and all that. compared to how torturous it was to walk past a giant a&f and disney store across the road at times square and rockefeller centre and not be able to shop because we were just walking through. but there was something about the christmas lights and the decorations, that despite not being able to shop made for an absolutely magical time in newyork, really. why do i keep gushing about ny, hmm.

about the hotels. the deco of boston park was really nice, though a tad bit oppulent but the rooms were quite tiny. though we spent most of the time in yam's room which is bigger with two double beds and two toilets. days inn was well. a two storey motel. but i guess for two nights, it wasnt too bad? not very convenient for room visiting though, esp mark and shang's room whcih was so far away, since we had to go out in the cold to travel from room to room. holiday inn was nice, big rooms and all. and big beds too.

food, was good most of the time. kept forgetting about lunch with all the shopping, but breakfast was sometimes gross and sometimes good. everything was very oily. very fatty. extremely big portions. but i love american food. and pseudo thai american food and some of the pseudo chinese food wasnt too bad either. i can live on different meals with mainly cheese potatoes and meat forever. and i lost 2kg! i have no idea how in the world, with all the fatty food. but im not complaining.

im surviving on an hour or so of sleep. when i reached home yesterday i slept for almost 12 hours in the day, woke up and then couldnt sleep the whole night last night. and i was supposed to write christmas cards, practice SATs because shang's results gave me a sudden burst of inspiration to actually START studying for them and also read history s books. but ive been online browsing pictures which are bringing back a ton of memories, and having very long overdue conversations. despite everything i guess i felt sort of relieved, like a large space of my mind has been cleared. and now there's so many other things to focus on i guess.

anyhoo. storyline meeting today. i thought i wouldnt be able to wake up but given that i didnt sleep.. then lunched with shang because lousy stef refused to join us. entertaining lunch, i realised that shang has had very bizzare experiences. then went out with my mum and sister, though i was half awake. and sufiyan came over after what seems like a really long time. despite all the time thats passed, during holidays the house is always the same. alot noisier than usual, and alot less lonely than usual. and im definitely not complaining.

btw anyone who wants photos ask me, im too lazy to upload 251 photos. haha.

still not tired. time for christmas cards and possibly SATs. (:

american dream

2005-12-20T01:06:00.000+08:00

back, after what seems like 2 days and not 2 weeks. amazing trip. though it took alot from me, a disgusting amount on shopping and food for 2weeks, and im rather drained. even after sleeping from 9am to 8pm today. there wasnt much i missed when i was there, apart from dink and my mum, MARSHMALLOW, and friends who didnt go on the trip. nadia im so sorry i missed your bday, shall make it up to you soon :D

hmun was well, a waste of time. hence we kept ponning and escaping to prudential, the mall which was walking distance from our hotel. shopping in america is amazing. walking in the snow(the snow and not the sludge or the ice) is the most wonderful feeling ever. making snow angels and snowball fights with harvard students were completely unforgettable. harvard is beautiful, and completely not within my reach. the dining hall was breathtaking, i swear. dc was very historical, felt very american with the pentagon visit and all. newyork was amazing. i want to live there, work in the newyork times building while my sister works in wall street and we can live in one of those amazing apartments on 5th avenue, opposite central park. absolutely amazing.

wonderful trip, amazing experience. i met so many new people and got close to people who were just aquintances. like huanna (who mavis the maid is trying to steal from me but i shall not allow it! heh). and stef and i collectively got alot closer to shark (shang+mark), esp shang who we didnt really know v well before this. all thanks to that day on the bus and them being our favouritest, cutest couple ever. and of course, my lovely roomates mavis and weiqi i love you two. and the 1e people, particularly abel and eddy who i grew substantially closer to on this trip. and charles, chere, other humans people. it was such a priceless trip in terms of bonds forged, and amazingly i hardly got annoyed with people. i realised i have alot of control over what i choose to let affect me or not affect me, kinda. so i chose to focus less on things that annoyed me.

my thoughts arent exactly very coherent. there's a sort of emptiness being at home now, since everyone's asleep. and there's no hotel room full of talking people to visit, or creep into mark's room and steal the beloved Poofy, or pop by yam/eddy/charles' room and talk, eat instant noodles.. yeah. im too tired to say more. but i think this trip changed alot. made me think alot too, the long bus rides with my ipod and looking out of the window. i realised that i really want to make america my home, despite everything i dislike about it. and well there's so much more to say, but for now. byebye :]

and omg,i have to be in sch at 10am tmr. wow.

preboston

2005-12-06T00:42:00.000+08:00

i dont feel like im going tmr. to the snowy east coast. boston newyork and dc, for like two weeks. my longest holiday in a very very long while, i think. and the furthest too, since well the last america trip. i feel so lazy and tired, and im in a weird mood again. i think dry run is not emotionally healthy. but very fun :] new co-ogl. its hazmi now, haha wow. unexpected but hey im not complaining. i have mixed feelings abt the us trip! ah well 24 hours and ill be on the plane. scary thought. seems intimidating. press corps summary remains undone.

anyway. too tired to blog. see you all in 2 weeks, DINIKA MAHTANI SEE YOU WHEN I GET HOME <3 <3

dry run

2005-12-03T00:41:00.000+08:00

so so drained. mentally, physically, everything. dry run's been.. tiring, weird, veryvery emo at times, VERY high at others, and basically a whole blend of emotions. and thats just 2 out of 3 days, of dry run1. of course it isnt so much the activities causing the blend of emotions as the various people. but whatever.

yesterday i was mainly bored, unwilling to do anything and using the "im a storyliner i am exempted!" for most activities, war games=dirty=gross for long rehearsals. not that i really rehearsed other than a line read with fellowfury denise and stand-in mother fury, xinling. who i think will be replaced by nina who's damn good at acting slutty. haha. anyways. i love storyline comm, to itsy witsy bits and pieces. with my bestfriend and the crazy candice and ajit, and liyana pek navjote jade chengchai and such wonderful, retarded, ridiculous, noisy rubbishy people. we were damn high today, with the club-like dancing in the amphi, pole dancing and wall touching, singing and banging paint tins. oh yes and two people squeezing into cardboard boxes and banging each other, like bumper cars. stupid, but damn fun. and the phantom of the opera storyline meeting call. seriously i couldnt have asked for a better comm placement, and my fury role is damn fun to play. and we all cant dance, but we were damn proud that we learnt ALL 3 dances! okay i forgot alot already, but still. a big step in our progress. today was so much better than yesterday. with the moping and plugging into ipods and all.

oh yes. i got a nice co-ogl! hanyi :] didnt quite expect it actually, but i didnt expect to get any of my choices either. though i almost died initially because i thought my co-ogl was Someone Else. and i wanted to die, but its hanyi so its safe and good. i kinda know him and he kinda knows me, and navjote and mavis are co-ogls and mavis and i and nav and hanyi are good friends. same house too. so buddy ogs! v fun. and comparitively, compared to people like bestfriend im damn lucky. so tis all good. :]

yesterday was one of the weirdest days ever. i doubt i can take much more emotional trauma (okay being a tad melodramatic) and surprising information. and sometimes i know i can be the stupidest person in the world, but i cant help it. environment coupled with the emo music and the latenightsyndrome, or whatever, just makes for a deadly combination. something i wish i hadnt done, but it doesnt quite matter. which led to a long and rather painful conversation. more like a reality check, harsh as it may be. made me wonder abt the depth of my feelings, and question reasons behind alot of the things ive done. insecurities, again. im just letting my fingers type really fast and saying the first things that come to mind so this entry might be really incoherent. i think too many people are playing games of pretence. and its especially harder when im one of them. alot of people knowing alot of stuff, me knowing that they know. but blissfully ignoring everything and just acting as though noone knows anything. but we all know better dont we. perhaps i should pretend better too, and hide feelings more obviously but sometimes things cant be helped. involuntary, stupid decisions cant be helped.

boston soon. in a matter of days. ive been too busy to even breathe, let alone pack. hardly seen my home or my bed. days go like this: wake up, bathe, sch at 8:45, dry run, dance rehearsals (alto of rubbish in between, but thats generally it), hanging out a while after with hazmi zul stef yowie whoever else, and then home at say, 11pm? bath, computer, sleep. and repeat. for two days. and storyline tmr, cheryls bday stuff, cb, and sunday apparently i have to do cip. and monday dry run, again. leaving on tuesday. i dunno when to squeeze in alot of packing which i have NOT done, writing the summary of the security council issues for hmun, christmas cards, decorating the tree, various BMDP stuff, rap stuff and whatever other stuff i have to do. seemingly endless list. alot of time to think though. during meetings, while waiting, sitting around. yeah, think. hmm.

i think. orientation is going to be a very interesting experience. two days of dry run and already i have so much to say. i could go on but the more the fingers type the more would be said over here that i dont excatly want to be said over here. so byebye :]

maybe this christmas

2005-11-28T22:23:00.000+08:00

Maybe this Christmas will mean something more
Maybe this year love will appear
Deeper than ever before
And maybe forgiveness will ask us to call
Someone we love
Someone we've lost
For reasons we can’t quite recall
Mmm, maybe this Christmas

Maybe there'll be an open door
Maybe the star that shined before
Will shine once more, ohhh

Mmmmmmm, mmmmmmmm

And maybe this Christmas will find us at last
In heaven, in peace
Prayed for the least
For the love we've been shown in the past
Maybe this Christmas
Maybe this Christmas

yeah js, by christmas. or else ill treat you to however many drinks you want, i promise.

revelations

2005-11-27T22:36:00.000+08:00

the more i think about it, this year has been really eyeopening. definitely the most eventful one ive had, ever. very different experiences, whirlwind of emotions. different groups of friends and different experiences with all of them. things happening and things that till now remained in storybooks and imagination. and the people ive met just get more and more interesting. jc's been amazing. despite what people say abt it being a disappointment, the ri guys always comparing ri to rj.. personally. its all been rather amazing. a rollercoaster ride of high highs and low lows and more opportunities than i could ever imagine in secondary school.

busy few days. chinablack on fri, clubbing after a really long time was fun, refreshing and nostalgic, which is a very interesting word to associate with clubbing. went with the usual people and new people too, which made it more interesting. realised that i quite missed clubbing, the whole idea of doing whatever you want with hardly any consequence and being worry free, at least for a while. escapism from reality, kinda anyway. and the decor of chinablack is v nice. i cant wait till we're all 18. then no more senseless worrying abt ids and so on. didnt get much sleep after that, woke up at a decent hour for PPP.

PPP was the most fun ive had in a long time(apart from the night before). with a bunch of people i had genuinely missed spending time with. love the roadrunners. :) badminton and tennis were ridiculous cuz i seriously suck at it. lack of practice! and im terribly, disgustingly unfit. so embarrassing i need to start running or something. i have learnt to appreciate kill bill! and i now want to get all 6 seasons of sex and the city on dvd. alot of time spent talking, watching stuff. newton was really good, and the walk there and the walk back. i love midnight or past midnight walks. the night is SO much better than the day. and the deserted stretch of road on the way to newton with the cool trees is a really nice setting for heart to heart, interesting talks. minus the cockroach i saw, eww. i think sleepovers are the best way for people to bond, which is probably a reason why the 1e bunch are close, the various sleepovers and late night talks. something about the night that makes us more open, honest and willing to share. "i never" turned out to be very interesting, as did the open ended "shoot shag or marry". the sleeping arrangements were rather squishy. but still, i had alot of fun. and i feel that we're alot closer now. probably one of the best sleepovers ive had in a while. <3s you all. :D

the days have been totally hedonistic. today was spent watching kill bill2, and then sleeping for many many hours. and then wasting time online, gossiping. or revealing stuff to/learning alot of stuff abt my new found bestfriend :] revelations hoho. i feel that i have alot to do, but im not doing any of it. like cleaning my room and actually STARTING to pack, readings for both s papers and hmun stuff. orientation and bmdp stuff, which has gotten kinda screwed up and more uncertain. ah well.

and sometimes i wish i wasnt so freaking kpo haha.

bangkok and so on

2005-11-23T19:09:00.000+08:00

back from bangkok, with a ton of shopping and really heavy bags. did nothing but ate, shopped, slept and visited ONE buddhist temple, which incidentaly was next to a really upmarket shopping mall. absolutely decadent and indulgent trip, but thats what holidays are about anyway :] pretty good trip, except for various blisters from walking too much still on my feet, and a really really disgusting rat that i saw running about on the rooftop of a house next to the train station. i thought it was a small dog at first, cuz it was big. bigger than any rat ive ever seen in my life. disgusting :( and weird, interesting dreams almost every night i was there. hmm. the best part was the beautiful penthouse i stayed in, mum's friends house. which was damn centrally located. and the laptop they provided me with :] haha. i think i have overshopped. shall not buy anything for a while, or at least attempt not to.

i dont like the feeling of getting back from a holiday. its like your life is resumed and you get back to reality and all the mudaneties of work and so on. not that im really complaining abt the work i have to do, which is reading various lit books and history s readings, bmdp stuff and whatnot. PPP soon, and a party friday night? not sure but whatever it is the holidays are packed with a variety of stuff. which is good, since i disovered that i enjoy being busy.

i'm starting to get really excited for boston trip, with the winter clothes shopping and trip discussions and press corps emails and all. this would probably be the highlight of my year. and the people who are going are ideal, i couldnt be happier. wellll. almost. heh. i better get good plane company, since ill be spending 23 hours or more with the person next to me. well anyone would be fine except.. :D

blogging seems to have lost its purpose, hmm. there's not much point to any of this is there?

2005-11-17T17:55:00.000+08:00

harry potter yesterday made me very happy, good show. cedric diggory is my new eyecandy and fleur is damn pretttty! 1b makes excellent company, as always, plus samjo too :] and it is official that the heavens support mark and wl, broken arm rest and all. stef pls pay me back for you and your 3 friends, and whoever else who hasnt paid me for tickets, thank you! though some parts were disappointing, and i dont like the actor who's playing dumbledore, and the maze scene was terribly unexciting, its still amazing, love the sets and effects and everything. emma watson's becoming damn pretty as well.

oh yeah, im going to bangkok tmr afternoon. shopping spree! (more shopping, omg, im disgusting). yup will be back on monday. but i am contactable, i have auto roam :] so if you want anything just tell me! (dunkindonuts :D) and if you dont see me online you know why

shopped with charles today, before being joined by the mats and yowie for a while. shopping for people is fun, esp when its with their own money not yours. haha. i think all guys should shop at topman. except they have hideous shirts with gross circle-ish designs on them now, eww. left early but i have yet to pack for bangkok, which was why i left early in the first place. and i have yet to check the SAT country, test centre, and whatever other codes im supposed to check. and i just feel like sleeping actually.

its been a while since ive been really happy, and i am now. :] busy, but happy. and shopping makes me happy, holidays too. and good company. and the oc. im quite easily satisfied actually. hmm.

I'd swim across Lake Michigan
I'd sell my shoes
I'd give my body to be back again
In the rest of the room

To be alone
With you
To be alone
With you
To be alone with you
To be alone with you

2005-11-15T23:37:00.000+08:00

weird day, wide spectrum of emotions. various really high highs and many weird emotions after that. 3 hours of kwok is bad for the brain, so it turned into 3 hours of gossiping and shoot shag or marry. yup, well. i feel like im living under a cloack of lies delusions and pretences. but for now i shall pretend to be an amoeba without any feelings whatsoever, and be focused on what i have to do and various msn conversations im having.

sorry?

exorcism of emily rose is freaky. in a very undefinable way. and roland, i know there's 15 minutes more, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY :D and to your 1.5m friend too, who's apparently older than you right. hurhur. :D

2005-11-15T01:26:00.000+08:00

wow, you know, i hardly ever get what i want. like getting into rg and other various secondary school things. and then this year kinda changed all that. an uphill climb from getting into rj. esp in terms of the academic side of things. humans scholarship, the press corps thing which i really really doubted i was going to get. and then there was oteam, though to a lesser extent.. and 2 s papers? especially since my promo grades werent particularly outstanding. and considering everything, and the fact that the 2 s papers i applied for are like, the heaviest combination, and that i applied for 2 for the fun of it.. i dunno im lucky :] and happy too. thankful. this is me getting closer to my stanford/ivy league dreams. :] though i think so many people are more deserving, ah well.

orientation prep is fun. i love being in storyline, the people are well basically alot of rp people and more random fun artsy people. which is good, very good.

im getting sleepy. i realised that im going to be really busy this holidays, and next year. the slacker shib is seriously long gone, and cannot resurface or ill screw up SATs, common tests, A levels, and whatever else i have next year. amidst dramafeste, orientation, the bmdp cip carnival thing, helping out for dance night and whatever else i have planned next year. wow. eep.

sleepovers and such

2005-11-12T22:10:00.000+08:00

blogging after ages, again, apologies. not particularly busy. but wasting time is habitual, and its amazing how much time i can spend stoning, surfing mindless websites and screwing up whatever i planned to do when im at home. even though thats pretty rare.

went to get the form to register for SATs yesterday. trekked through the rich residential areas of town with eve, very long walk under terribly hot sun. tiring. SATs scare me, and the fact that taking it means going overseas is very scary. exciting. but scary.

make a wish foundation cip after that. yes, the fairy one. yes abel yam charles shiyun jon charles, random 1a guys and everoyne else who came to wisma specifically to laugh at me (and alot of the 1a and 1b girls) that it must have been a very entertaining experience for you all. haha. interesting experience. some really weird members of the public and freaky guys too, eww. like the one who said "donate what? sperm ah?" to shumin. eww, freakeh. and to all you horrible people who laughed i want to see YOU in a fairy outfit too, hmph.

sleepover at abel's after.. js and khin, pls have another outing so i can join too. haha :D sleepover was very lazy. people kept falling asleep so after watching the others,chompchomp, our few seconds at time in a bottle, and after sitting at serangoon gardens talking, it was just shiyun abel and me awake. no heart to heart talks(i think cuz yam wasnt there, so no luda discussions and religion discussions) , just alot of rubbish, gossiping and laughing at people. ive been eating too much though. at chompchomp and at abel's house. im going to turn into.. yam! eep. had lunch with abel jon shiyun charles yowie and amelia, since shiyun went to school for orientation meeting. watched the notebook, fairly good but since i was sleepy and couldnt really hear thanks to renovation (poor abel!) it wasnt as good as it shouldve been.

dont really feel tired, even though im not surviving on much proper sleep. sleepovers dont usually involve much sleeping anyw. was quite high and planned to do many things, but then. well i ended up wasting my time away. not much is new :]

false hope is bad, so please dont give me any. im a delusional person, who chooses to believe what i want to, and who gives my own interpretations to people's actions, just the way i want them to be. so if you fuel that it could lead to disastrous results. not quite, just typical shibani emo-ness.

not making much sense. whats new. i think i say this every entry. hmm

2005-11-06T02:15:00.000+08:00

Don't stray
Don't ever go away
I should be much too smart for this
You know it gets the better of me

Sometimes
When you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you
Pull me out in time

Don't let me drown
Let me down
I say it's all because of you

And here I go
Losing my control
I'm practicing your name
So I can say it to your face

It doesn't seem right
To look you in your eye
Let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth

Indeed it's time
To tell you why
I say it's infinitely true

Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you

And there's no cure
And no way to be sure
Why everythings turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt

It makes me so tired
I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart

And now
It all turns sour
Come sweeten every afternoon

Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you

Its all because of you
Its all because of you

Now it all turns sour
Come sweeten
Every afternoon

It's time
to tell you why
I say it's infinitely true

Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you

Its all because of you
Its all because of you
Its all because of you

there couldnt be a more perfect song.

i wish. i didnt think so much. i wish i were more optimistic, that i didnt get depressed and distracted so easily. that my thoughts were not always full of negativity. and well. that i were happier.

its the late night syndrome, again, i think. i hope.

post production

2005-11-05T16:10:00.000+08:00

this place is collecting dust. sorry for neglecting the blog but ive been far far too busy with mainly rehearsals and going out and ive hardly been at home. rah so tiring.

so. yesterday marked the end of threesome :( it feels so surreal after all the many many weeks of intensive rehearsals and running to all ends of singapore buying stuff and taking pics, the bitching and gossiping over dinners and the photoshoots and all the rubbishing during rehearsals.. and now i have a completely free day. first time in a really long time. the notes and little gifts yesterday were really touching, and that very emo but very heartfelt session when we were at the holding room was extremely moving and touching.. im going to miss you all so much :( but "not everything has to end". looking forward to sleepovers and roadrunners party and hmun with samjo js cc and orientation with ALOT of the roadrunners people.. so thats good :] i think ive enjoyed myself tremendously, gotten close to alot of people that i had serious reservations about working with at the beggining and found people with common interests (coughJS!cough) .. and well yeah im going to miss it, really.

feedback yesterday was awesome, thank you all for the flowers, stef and evie, charles and hazmi and whoever else shared it, jon, alps, shang, CC and whoever else i didnt mention. many many hugs, many many photos, all of which shall be uploaded soon. anyone who wants a scandalous photo of yam and xixun please ask me! hurhur. and thank you all the nice people who bought the photobooks, they sold out! must be cuz 16 out of 20 photos had sean d in them.. haha.

other than rehearsals and production, the public holidays and halloween were filled with lots of rubbishy fun too. halloween humans party, where i dressed as she-bunny(shibani, shebunny! get it?haha) . stef was waileong hehe. terribly amusing. shang was a pimp who was wearing playboy bunny bling so there was a little coincidence there.. haha. thanks weiqi for letting us crash your house! went trick o treating for the first time since i was young probably and we were given candy by girls who were younger than us. first thing they said when they opened the door? "so disgusting! all girls!" but a well spent halloween nonetheless :]

deepavali was boring, since there werent rehearsals in the afternoon i met charles evie and lawrence in town, then went to charles' place with yowie cuz the other two went home i think. played winning eleven and i think ive discovered something else i can do to pass the time, haha its pretty fun. watched red eye on DVD too, which was pretty good but not as freaky as i thought it would be.

hari raya was supposed to be spent at the museum but well it was mostly spent eating and walking around. met charles for lunch, then met shiyun and abel and ate more, met yam and jon, walked around and ate some more, then we watched a movie and ate nachos in the cinema and then had dinner. pizza, ice cream, cake, nachos, lots of drinks and fries all in a day. so terribly sinful. but fun :] good company, excellent company actually.

yes so. my first free day in a long time and i wasted half of it by waking up at 2. i feel like such a sloth. no time for broody posts or emo posts because im just too tired, even though there's alot to say actually. so boring recounts of my days will just have to suffice for now :]

and btw roadrunners i love you all <3

overtired autumn tired?

2005-10-25T00:14:00.000+08:00

im tired, much too tired. emotionally, physically, whatever. rehearsals are taking its toll on me, pw too and school is pretty dreadful. (if not for little squealish moments and the nice people who make me happy). so please im too tired for all of this. too tired to care, too tired to bother to think and read between the lines, decipher meanings behind cryptic words or weird glances, funny looks and questionable actions. and this from MORE than one person. much too much for my poor brain which feels half disintegrated at the moment.

pw mini crisis at the moment i dunno whats up with the ppt and what changes have gone or are still there or whatever. ah dry run tmr. meh i hardly timed my speech, whatever, pw sucks but i love my grp :] we have fake conflicts. and i think its damn cool that we are actually carrying out the project. hodge and dhillon and perry seem excited. makes what we are doing alot more worthwhile, not just another subject.

j8 today for (long) break, considering we ran away from pw pretty early. which was good cuz we had communal lunch, sharing all our pasta and the pizza. better than way, you dont get sick of the same old pasta, cuz there's variety. i love j8 breaks instead of canteen food. really. haha. then math was fun because it was a non existent lesson talking abt ms lui's love life, then aft that joining wl chas stef and evie at the other end of the class and playing shoot shag or marry. which was both really fun, enlightening, giggle-ish and severely traumatising. but nothing short of what i expected people's answers to be. people are so predictable. haha.

deceiving people is easy. the hard part's convincing yourself. sometimes i think im so good at it that i dont really quite know who i am anymore. and there's confusion between who i want to be and who i am. i sometimes feel i dont know what ive got myself into. but then i dont quite know what i want. or who i am. or anything.

its past midnight and im blabbering. i hate my blog. i miss first 3 months (after going to zan's blog). i miss the various groups of people i used to hang out with throughout the year. and there were many. samtan lloyd, trackers,don what used to be the four of us(+roland), the original 1e, the new and current, abel yam jon alps and whoever else, too many to name. rawr.

oh no i think i said the fake conflict thing a little too soon.

AH. i dont need this now. really. not the least bit.

oh yes i applied for history s without much thought to the whole s paper issue, but more like following my gut feeling. today's history lecture made me think ive made the right decision, but ah well its just s papers and i love them both.

whats wrong with me, really.

:[

mmore promo results

2005-10-18T23:46:00.000+08:00

so thats that then. all the results are back. A B C O. the A's for lit, B for history, C for econs and O for math. big surprise for the math yup? hurhur.

cant say im pleased. cant say im devastated. but ah well. ive been in a sort of low self esteem mode for quite a while because of promo results. and the thing is i know i could have done better for everything there. yup everything. though ive improved alot (okay well consistent for the history and math), still i feel horribly disatisfied with my marks. but then again. ill probably not have been happy even with better marks so whatever im just a very ungrateful person haha. okay im getting rambly.

but basically im rather okay with my marks. for the effort i put in, i guess i shouldnt expect much more. there's the qn of s paper now. quite honestly i want to drop math and do lit and history s. but i wont do that, because its a stupid thing to do (but math is such a fcked up subject. seriously. its disgusting.). so ill chose between the two. tough choice, but i think im more leaning toward history. i feel happier in history lessons (maybe cuz i <3 rolly and kwok, though in v different ways) and even though i love perry and mcc is damn good, somehow history appeals to me more. and im more confident. i didnt even take lit in seconday school? but ill decide soon enough. i would have wanted 2 s papers to be honest but its not very sensible to do two s papers with lousy marks i should work on the math. and econs doesnt interest me as much as the other two, but i still like it. i dont know. what has become of my blog. i talk abt results and work. constantly. (because my life is dreadfully boring)

before i forget. i think abel waileong joel samjo and gavin are totally amazing and so deserve their marks. of course people like janice shang etc but the above people are more normal and less super-genius. and they did really well and they totally deserve it. the kind of people you feel genuinely happy for when they do well so congrats, in all sincerity :] sympathies to people like mark and chas and denise who didnt do as well as expected particularly for math (yes that pain in the ass subject again), you all please smile okay (: evie lets work harder for math. haha.

sometimes its sad when you realise you dont mean half as much to a person as the person means to you. and when you realise your actions dont really impact them as much as the efforts and thought behind those actions.

some people are very scary. the intentions behind their actions are so dubious and so conflicting and so very strange and hard to interpret. and! some people never change. from secondary school. people dont learn lessons =/

busy busy rehearsals open house and all. im supposed to be busking for open house on top of being a befriender haha, very funny (:

desperate housewives

2005-10-16T01:06:00.000+08:00

"Everyone enjoys a game of make-believe now and then, of course the ways in which we play can vary differently. Sometimes we tell ourselves work won't interfere with our family lives. Sometimes we imagine certain relationships to be more meaningful than they really are. Occasionally we put on a show, as if to convince ourselves our secrets are not really that terrible. Yes, the game of make-believe is a simple one. You start by lying to yourself, and if you can get others to believe those lies, you win."

-Mary Alice Young, Desperate Housewives

i feel very in-another-dimension now. a very sad/shocking episode of smallville and a weird desperate housewives episode, which ended with that. i feel slightly out of touch with reality. but the thing above's very true eh.

and there's really no need for a proper blog entry. my life is boring. (:

creep

2005-10-13T22:00:00.000+08:00

as far as i could i tried to avoid emo entries on this blog. so i shall try that yet again.

a very eventful day in school. alot of results, of all kinds. and alot of disgusting events and squeal-ish events and nice moments. blend-ish.

about results. basically, im disappointed. its not that i did badly, at all. but its just. average. so average. got back history and gp. if anything i expect my best grades from history. and if thats the best then im very scared abt the other papers. history is the subject i want to take s paper for, the subject that most matters to me. of course from what rolly said and all the comments and what he said when he gave me my paper, i think the s paper thing shouldnt be much of a prob? considering the entire years work. and not thinking abt other subjects (coughMATHcough). but still it sucks. not that i really expected an A. i dont know but it still sucks. and its not even a very strong B. not a very weak one though. see, average. :( i know these are the kind of things you read on blogs and feel like slapping people, as i did after common tests while blog surfing (no names mentioned :) ) but really i cant help it :(

as for the gp, average too. probably not on the whole scale of things. but in 1b average. i mean its okay, gp's well..alright la. A is still an A even if its an A2 im quite pleased i guess. but there's always this feeling that one can do better. so we are never satisfied. sorta reminds me of the samjo conversation in the canteen with evie. that humans are always greedy and never satisfied with what they have, even in death. haha well probably.

speaking of samjo, he and i and jon got into press corps, which is good and unexpected. now hmun will have some purpose. its really unexpected, given the 15 people in the world thing. and also i wrote the application in the night in a rush. but this makes me very happy (: press corps was really the obvious choice, i think since people asked me the qn "what do you wanna be when you grow up" the answer was always a awriter or a journalist. based solely on interest, skills or lack thereof aside. so press corps is seriously the most wonderful stepping stone. and working with samjo again! drama night rehearsals have been damn fun actually, haha. i like being gainfully occupied instead of rotting away, spending money shopping. but shopping is still <3 <3. and yes jon too (: but stef and eddy :( nvm you too make friends and stay away from certain not fat people.

squealish things, though imagined and exaggerated, make me happy, if nothing else. :D

doggy woggy

2005-10-12T00:44:00.000+08:00

ive been spending wayyy too much money. but the stuff are all superworth it! today's half 1b girl shopping trip was very fun. it was actually just stef evie mavis elaine and brenda in the end, but very fun shopping buddies. actually i think its bad that we have similiar tastes. everytime someone likes something this happens:

person 1: omg so nice i want to buy
person 2/3/4: ya damn nice, buy! suits you so well!
person 1: but no money :(
person 2/3/4: never mind, buy!

but if we had different tastes,

person 1: omg so nice i want to buy!
person 2/3/4: no ugly dont buy!

haha. so everything evie touched stef said "NO UGLY DONT BUY" even the fire extinguisher, which evie touched. haha. but we got damn good deals over the past two days. and potentially able to make money as well. which is always a good thing (: and it was the beginnigs of the Mark Makeover! haha the abercrombie jacket we bought for him was damnn nice.and suits him too. (and also not exactly cheap) we are such nice friends hurhur.

today my dog went to the groomers. and they said his hair was too tangled :( so they had to cut it short. now he looks like a jack russell :( its very sad. completely different marshmallow! he doesnt even look like a marshmallow anymore. it feels weird. not that there is anything wrong with jack russells but my dog's a giant ball of fur. or was a giant ball of fur. so im sad. still acts like marshmallow though. and looks more like a rascal. and we bought him a t shirt! which says Mafia Dog haha how appropriate. but yes i want the fur to grow back FAST :(

on to happier things, michael buble was REALLY good. seriously. not many singers can sound that good live, and also be that charismatic and that good performers at the same time. he has an amazing sense of humour too. saw eddy and sean d there. eddy's msg to me can be used to appropriately summarise the entire concert in one word, "brilliant". :] but really, ive never seen singaporeans so enthu abt a concert. because of his absolutely wonderful personality. he should be a comedian. haha. and i wish i brought my camera :( but nvm, still worth every cent

rehearsals tmr. and there's pw rubbish too. havent been going to school except for a while on monday for my ogl interview. which was really funny considering i was interviewed by none other than charles (and xinling who's in my cca and junli). charles started off the interview by shouting "shibeedoowup" to call me into the room when i was standing outside. and ended it by going "give my regards to all the fasting malays!". haha silly boy.

sleepy sleepy. im going to check on marshie and finish my snickers bar. (:

sleepovers and such

2005-10-09T23:18:00.000+08:00

promos are over and it feels so liberating, but i feel aimless and bored. after what, nearly 3 days of lazing around. only. haha yeah somehow, maybe cuz i didnt really study that much though i think its the most ive studied in a long long time, after promos doesnt feel as good as it should feel.

friday was spent having brunch with 1b and then movie and walking around and talking with mavis jon and abel. town almost felt foreign haha. then saturday, sleepover at jon's with shiyun roland abel and yam. which was fun, traumatising, serious, nonsensical and guilt-filled as well, all in a night. but the absolut vanilia+raspberri and the fondue was amazinggg. but yes overall very fun. and i missed the 1e people tons. (: sleepovers are always fun. and so is the oc. and seeing yam do weird dances with jon's belt hmm. and though i had minimal sleep and kept being squashed next to the cupboards cuz roland was taking up alot of space(anyone wonder why?) and taking up shiyun's space, late night talks are more fun that sleeping. haha. and abel hope you liked the fondue and the cake! (: happy one week belated bday man. i think sleepover > indochine for suure, esp aft audrey's call informing me of certain happenings at indochine =/

i dont want to go to school tmr. i want to go shopping but i have no money and i want deathcab's new cd. and WHERE IS THE OC. stupid baseball season now we have to wait till november, omg.

boston sooon. the highlight of my year probably (:

yay promos almost over

2005-10-06T21:21:00.000+08:00

promos are almost over omg omg! but lets not talk abt them, until i get my results, because i dont feel like saying anything abt promos hmm. haha

so today i planned to study in school. yes for ECONS MCQ. im keeping up this mugger shib thing. (if anyone believes me you dont know me well enough) anyway, it turned into a very long swensens lunch with mavis abel jon roland yam charles hazmi yowie and zul. where yam attracted tons of attention in swensens by loudly revealing something better left unsaid. yes yam is _________. ARE YOU? haha.

and i received a very kind and thoughtful aft promo present from the bunch of retarded guys who enjoy traumatising me. haha but its actually kinda cute so umm thanks i guess? for providing mass entertainment. haha.

mm im not in the mood for a long emo post, so ill leave that for some day when im more free and moody. :)

yay

2005-09-29T23:52:00.000+08:00

gp is over over. yay only erm. a week left? kinda. i cannot wait for this entire period to be over i feel like drowning myself and/or wallowing in self pity about how im going to do terribly till the exams are over. well maybe not terribly terribly, but worse than i want to.

anywhows. gp was well, expected? like a normal gp paper. essay seemed okay, political apathy among youth, pretty interesting. deciding between that and the media one. and other than the stupid mark i lost thanks to the world no one knows (which i forgot know) and the summary, the compre was pretty alright as well. hopefully ill do better than commons.

wow i feel alien to blogging as if i havent blogged for ages haha. which i havent.

pc tmr i dont feel in the pc mood hopefully tmr's library session with the study bunch will help yay.

studying in school has been pretty fun. okay the non-studying part of it. haha because of good company. its amazing how everyone is so stressed that we can have 5 minute deep intellectual conversations abt how humans are never content in death from a simple "you look like you are dying", courtesy of samjo and evie. teckheng revealed interesting things to stef and i the other night and mark was completely oblivious at least for a while. haha very fun, i think we have overactive imaginations. and of course gossiping and intellectual convos btwn studying is always wonderful. yay i like the study bunch. haha. planned nice things aft promos too like shopping shopping and more shopping. and a very interesting proposition from a very interesting person, which must be considered. haha.

my brain feels tired and fried i hate promos i want them to be over i hate studying it SUCKS. except lit which is quite fun cuz i love silas and frost is very little and hence tolerable. and discussing econs is interesting, the fun bits not the graphy ones. and history's not that bad except the memorising and getting stuff into my head which is the problem here. BASICALLY EVERYTHING BUT MATH I HATE MATH. :(

tired sleepy pc tmr goodnight :)

2005-09-22T22:55:00.000+08:00

(to understand this refer to previous post)

1) Shubby shub shub
2) Song: beautiful girl by INXS. It just fits. And every line every word. It’s almost like I’m saying it to you. AND I’m with you by avril lavigne. It just fits too. It’s my fav avril song okay! Movie: Love Actually. It’s just. In my face.
3) High-paying sit-in-the-office-shake-leg lunch-break-equals-shopping-break job
4) Like … ya loh … you know … ya … you know … like … yea.
5) Class rep!
6) Banana fish (no such thing but I dunno)
7) Do you always get free cake? And can u send them over please?
8) Thank you.
9) When we missed the hi-five. Ultimate. And out “high” experience at the bus stop
10) Deal?

thankyou jon, im very. very. very touched. :)

ive been studying in school till late. yes studying. and yes till late! with disruptions for food sgselltrade gossiping and being distracted by hazmi zul and yowie who are FREAKING noisy. but yes. studying=good. actually i should be finishing my gp and other miscellaneous stuff. i listed down stuff i have yet to do and its miles long and im very scared. so yes. i must mug. (:

but anyway thank you again jon :D i just felt that that was enough to merit me blogging instead of studying. more than enough. haha

2005-09-19T23:37:00.000+08:00

from roland's blog

1) Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2) I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3) I'll pick a dream occupation that i think you will love
4) I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5) I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6) I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7) I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8) I'll tell you something that I've always wanted to but some how never did.
9) I'll tell you my favourite memory of you.
10) If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written!

and he did it for me and im supposed to post the answers. though the minute he answered some i didnt want to post. but oh no i have no choice! haha.

1) you're smelly. =D
2) song: damien rice - the blower's daughter because you're so into emo. movie: eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.
3) being a columnist. like "shibani's column" addressing people's problems.
4) deodorant and bleach. =D
5) i was thinking about you and your long-lasting crush. on a particular someone. heheh. =D
6) a bunny. no need for clarifications i suppose.
7) how the hell do you prefer puppies to kittens?!
8) my ***** is damn long
9) ~~when you left the class.~~ the times when u were there listening for me on msn lah. =D

haha i should have known better. anyway this is fun if you want me to do it for you please tell me :D

//edit: and from yam,

1) Your dog is really cute
2) Song: Oh, something real emo. Oh wait, Here Comes The Sun by The Beatles. It’s really kinda joyous and uplifiting. Not emo. But I think it fits. Movie: I can only think of The Godfather Part 2 which I still owe you (sorry!)
3) Dream occupation … I can just imagine you standing on some building with some war zone behind you and saying, "this is Shibani Mahtani with the BBC".
4) Nobody has a crush on me … Blindness has not even begun to reach that level.
5) My first memory is of that first day in term 2 and Dayna saying that you kept bringing rare snacks to school. Sorry, fat instincts taking over again.
6) Animal? I dunno. I said Jon was a chinchilla, so I think you can be a … skunk!
7) Why is your mum so damn cool?
8) I’m really damn glad and (almost) proud that you are making the most of your chance in Humans and that you have had the chance to excel. Sob… I’m so soppy today.
9) All the times at your house. One huuuuuge memory. Can’t be forgotten. And all the times you listened to me. Thanks. A lot.

so much nicer than rolands! haha thanks yam :D

I WANT MY CLASS PHOTO. -sulks.

and from eddy,

1) shibani mahtani. I found your name confusing when I first knew u, so I remembered your name as she-bunny. Haha
2) song: st. elmo’s fire. Because it was like the first/one of the first songs I sent u, and now we send each other songs like REALLY REGULARLY. Movie: bride and prejudice..not cos you look like aishwarya rai, but bcos its indian..hahhahaa im desperate.
3) professional shopper. If there’s such a thing. Or maybe music critic.
4) john parr. I dun think that really counts, but really nothing else.
5) when dayna said u always bring very interesting snacks and sweets to class. I was like WOAH WOAH LUCKY US.
6) Bunny. Please refer to 1
7) You always say my jokes not funny, then why you laugh? hahahahaha
8) I think roland looks better than his brother. Dunno why, just think so.
9) Your reaction when I called u smelly for the 362963204602935602th time. No, really it was the msn convos. Many many convos. Some very light-hearted, some more serious, and some really made me smile, so thanx.

thankyou

2005-09-17T00:33:00.000+08:00

THANK YOU. really. mavis jon cheryl abel yam, and the rest of 1e, thank you. i love you, all. the best surprise or half surprise or whatever. my room is so pretty now, and im so touched. and i missed heart to heart talks. but most of all i missed you guys. its nice to know that as much as things have changed, alot still remains the same. and talking to you guys, is unlike talking to anyone else honestly. (:

and thats all for now, there's more pressing matters than blogging, like studying. and such.

birthdays and airports

2005-09-15T22:41:00.000+08:00

an hour plus left to the birthday.

school today. i dragged myself to school early, thinking initially it was just to give ben his wonka bars but then i realised he isnt so selfish. haha thanks ben,twinstomach [and chuckie, nice for the first time! haha],joel,spongebob,chenwei and weiyang for cake :D i like cutting cakes. and making wishes. haha

and thanks to manymany others for wishes cards presents msges IMs and so on and so forth. little ways of showing you remember go a long way really :D thankyou all. birthdays are fun. most of the time. and thank you 1b! : D nice class. and -cough. charles hazmi yowie zul yam. -cough. haha. stupid people.

but now the house is quiet and my dog is sad and its so ..lonely. :( just back from the airport. my sister always leaves at perfect timings. 3rd yr of sad birthdays, has to be a new record. 15th birthday dinika left (for the first time) and last yr was history prelims when i misread the question, stupidly, and screwed up the paper, and various other factors. and this yr too. more to it than dinika leaving but thats mainly it. and promos. but i guess in comparison its relatively happier. and after all birthdays are just essentially..a date. cant expect it to be all happy and cheery and stuff, just like any other normal day.

im not used to this. its usually a hyper dog dinika and sufiyan in the room, talking rubbish, fighting, singing stupid songs and so on. now its me the laptop and the sad dog is wandering around smelling my sisters clothes. :(

i think my dog can be a circus dog he jumps on everything, beds couches tables EVERYTHING. he is a lunatic. but also very moody and very sweet, i love my doggywoggy. marshmallow <3

and so i shall devote my life for the next two weeks, hopefully, to studying, or else there is no way i can take history s. which i am quite confident of getting, if everything goes okay for promos. WHICH at the moment seems a very remote possibilty. :( but i want to, rolly makes it sound so interesting, and my essays and stuff have been pretty decent and i love history. ah well. i must Mug. soon. Mugger Shib.

:D THANKS once again to everyone who made my 17th birthday very special. (: i feel so old. haha.

moo

2005-09-10T00:46:00.000+08:00

i am highly unproductive. the september holidays are almost over. and i havent done much. in any sense. havent gone out, or not really anyway. and my studying rate has been dismal. sadly. i should bury myself in a hole with my books and never emerge until after promos, or else i am going to die. a very horrible death.

im supposed to be writing out math formulas now. because i can remember none. in a very cute borders animal notebook. i think its a waste of such a nice book. :(

waileong is a star! he was in the newspapers today. front page! go see everyone.

oc is downloading. tmr morn tmr morn. oc makes me immensely happy. seriously. oh and sgselltrade. which is ruining my LIFE. and sgspree, also ruining my life. and savings. :(

my birthday's next week.! doesnt feel like it. but. ah i dunno. i will be incoherent and rablish tonight im sleepy i want to watch oc my math formulas are waiting.

and there was a head found at orchard mrt? omg thats seriously damn scary. i mean, orchard mrt. thats insane. which crazy murderer places a head in the middle of town. ewww. and a great way at ruining singapore's rep. and freaking singaporeans out.

moo. math formulas.

cough

2005-09-04T22:53:00.000+08:00

2nd post of the day. but this is too funny to not share

[talking abt my new msn display pic]

- i am human and i mass towers says:
wads dat display pic arh
[shib] fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care says:
its
[shib] fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care says:
a girl
[shib] fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care says:
haha
- i am human and i mass towers says:
yah i can tell
- i am human and i mass towers says:
not in lingerie =((((((

and later on

[shib] fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care says:
hahahaha -dies.
[shib] fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care says:
its from deviantart.com la
- i am human and i mass towers says:
-_____-
- i am human and i mass towers says:
wad kind ofweird site is that
- i am human and i mass towers says:
porn?

omg waileong ah. -shakes head. haha

reforms?

2005-09-04T20:49:00.000+08:00

:(

i have just broke another resolution. i resolved not to blog till aft promos. haha man, who am i kidding. i think i broke more than half of the "shibani's reforms" that i wrote down and aspired to keep to. and i will break some more after promos. because i have zero willpower. but as mavis said, keeping to them would probably make me a monk. but im improving! at least the amount that ive been studying. still very dismal, but hey anything from zero is good isnt it.

new blog pic. thanks to jon. THANKYOU. but it distracted me when i was diligently trying to finish reading crisis of communism lecture notes. which were unsurprisingly, totally clean and unhighlighted and as good as new before this afternoon.

since my mum and sister have deserted me to go on a nice weekend trip in penang, this has been a lonely, highly unproductive weekend with alot and alot and alot of sleep. and sgselltrade/gap/vs/a&f/yahoo auctions/ebay browsing. and writing and late night musings. and self-reflecting, i guess.

realised that it will be my birthday soon. this because of mavis' blog. a bit early huh mavis? haha but thank you, me loves you (: i am totally clueless on what i should do to celebrate. frankly for the past two years, my birthday hasnt been exactly happy, it always seems to be at a very bad timing or something particularly bad seems to happen. and i doubt this year will be much different, really. it being so close to promos and dinika going back to america on my bday. again. ah well. its just a date anyway.

hopefully tmr will be more productive. og mug session! or at least the usual bunch, eve jermie zixi joel and ben. at esplanade library. definitely my favouritest place to study in the world. the beautiful view, the amazing cds that you can borrow and listen, the comfy couches at the far end which gets all quiet and deserted at night, the view at night, the dance studio-ish place, and of course the memories of going there with yisha pre-prelims and o's. and with a bunch of people who ive missed tooo much. and my twinstomach (: (though i think ive grown too fat for that to still be relevant now)

i think, im trying to convince myself that i am the person i want to be. that i feel the way i want to feel. so much so that im supressing a part of myself and i feel like im torturing myself by not admitting alot of things, to myself, to the people around me. and that just leaves me very confused. ahh i dont know what im talking about. again.

ill be the happiest girl in the world on the 8th of september. THE OC SEASON 3! omg omg. -hyperventilates. God bless bittorrent (:

There's no one left to finger
There's no one here to blame
There's no one left to talk to, honey
And there ain't no one to bar our innocence

'Cause we are born innocent
Believe me Adia, we are still innocent
It's easy, we all falter
Does it matter?

emo end of term

2005-09-01T00:44:00.000+08:00

the first blog entry in a while. at unearthly hours. ive been meaning to sleep earlier, much earlier, now that the term's over. yea 3 terms, all over. done with. gone. scary, huh. but somehow instead of staying up to do essays at such times of the night, because its the last day of term, because of today, because of alot of things, i feel that i should un-abandon my blog.

blog entries have been different huh. from the livejournal ones. alot less informative, alot more general, but alot less cryptic at the same time.

so anyway. 3 terms. and all of them, so different. the first, with the old/original 1e. then the second (or for most part of it except for 2 or 3 weeks) with the new/current 1e. and this term, with 1b. realised ive spent more time being in the new 1b than the current 1e. many many changes. from circles of friends, to some constants and some new, close friends, to a completely different class but with a few constants. ive learnt alot this term. alot. how dangerous it can be to judge people by their appearances, because it clouds your judgement, and if you are so quick to judge, youll never get to know them for who they are, inside. and in a sense to stop looking back, stop comparing, and start being appreciative for the people around me, for my teachers, for all that ive been given. also, my views on various subjects, to a certain extent, life, my goals, my passions, my abilities, my confidence. all altered. in a term.

undoubtedly, probably one of the best decisions ive ever made in my life, if you look at it from the entire pespective of things. overall. despite the initial pains or the short-sighted drawbacks. i love 1b. not saying i dont/didnt love 1e, for what they were, for all my experiences, for all the wonderful people. but ive changed, i hope, for the better. in alot of ways. attitudes pespectives outlooks and everything. and i feel more whole as a person, complete. as if my days in school arent just an utter waste of time with frivolous fun, sleeping and class or not being in class,even.

so much has happened, i dont know where to start. but its no point recapping, there's too much. i know ive been tremendously snappy for a long while, distant from people who used to talk to me alot more, less talkative to some of you perhaps. many reasons. time, how i want to spend that time, essays, sister being back, personal choice to a certain extent? beecause actually everything is more or less up to us, eventually.

emo and pensive mood probably was triggered by tonight. humans party was alot of fun for most part, then it became emo-ish and deep and broody and serious. not that i dont enjoy that. i feel alot closer to my classmates, and im glad. sometimes late-night chats on swings and stone benches are all it takes to make you feel like you arent alone.

mrs perry was so touched by her present, she was tearing. more or less. and mr reeves and mcc loved them too, hopefully. really, as cheesy as it sounds, sometimes the best gift is knowing you have helped make a difference to someone's life. a ton of pics. talked to and traumatised poor people who i have hardly talked to before. but it was alot of fun. wl couldnt stop finding various opportunities to tease me. card games and matching paul frank tees too (stef! haha) semi-heart to heart talks with probably, one of the nicest teachers i have now, but still filled with politically correct answers. which was kind of the trigger to the emo, pensive conversations. one thing leads to another i guess. made me remeniscent. the whole situation, talking late at night, about various things, soon becoming deeper, more personal. sound familiar, anyone? big thank you to just for opening your house to us. its really nice. esp the roof where you can sit and just look at the night sky and talk, and the dance studio which is lovely too. (:

but ive learn to appreciate so much more. and closer friends, who i feel somehow understand me better than some people who ive hung out with alot more. maybe soon ill feel way i did, a long time ago, with certain individuals.

didnt go back to secondary school. was watching mr reeves play soccer. its not that i didnt want to though. but somehow im sure things will be very different. people will be very different. and sometimes you just want to preserve the memories the way they are, the way you remembered them to be, unsoiled by time.

talking with the 1b people after cutting the cake, and thten sitting at the playground with hazmi charles, who left early, then waileong evie gavin joel lawrence after, made me feel that im not alone. made me look at some people on a much deeper level.

im tired, i think its time to sleep. many hours. its been a busy term. its going to be a busy holidays. its been a trying term. but as waileong said, perhaps when you wake up tmr, and the whole day's ahead of you, you wont feel this way anymore, and it will be different. perhaps. (:

blogging break

2005-08-22T20:29:00.000+08:00

its been ages since ive blogged

too much work. farrr too much. :( depressing.

pw was fun though.(for once) because i spent half of it photocopying EOMs and the other half looking at/talking abt sgselltrade. haha all the girls in my class are super addicted. mavis evie stef brenda trish..okay thats not all. but alot la. haha. and stef found it through my blog so its partially my fault. haha speaking of which we've started selling stuff. but i wont update the lj till aft promos, its much much too tiring.

aft sch was spent with mavis joel stef and evie, attempted to study and i did a little but ended up talking quitee alot. heh. sgselltrade! stef if you are here please tag w your blog add, i keep forgetting it then i duno how to link you.

okay i have work waiting. and this is probably gonna be the last post for a long while. :(

1b (: (:

2005-08-18T22:24:00.000+08:00

dinky's back (: yay.

yes jon i know i havent been blogging, you dont have to leave sarcastic tags HMPH, but its been a busybusy few days. last night went to watch napola with the humans people+teachers. and its probably one of the best movies ive watched in a long,long,long,long time. excellent. very sad though. veryvery sad. touching, freaky, and sweet at several points too. and slashy!hmm. haha. i think history films are the best kinda films actually. okay other than bimbo romantic comedies. haha. but it left me in this daze for a while. the ending was very sad. okay please everyone go watch it.

so my sister is back bearing lots of food (GIANT peanutbuttercups omg omg), roland's nice a&f polo and clothes that i can steal! and a nice bimbo-ish bag. haha. i hate it that cuz of a certain pinkgirl everything pink, nice or not is associated with her. bah.

i hate math. have i mentioned that. and i have alot of work. and promos are nearing :( i think i shall hide in a corner and study until promos are over. but we all know that that is not possible because i am lazy. but i shall try. :(

i was so proud that i finished perry's pc and kwok's essay but there's still kwok's veryvery overdue essay from last term, silas journals which we havent learnt how to do, a ton of math, econs drq, rolly's essay, hmun essay which i dont want to do, and a thousand other things to do. i want to quit school and sell stuff on sgselltrade for the rest of my life omg. and today's morning "assembly" or rather the talk by the two ex humans scholars just makes me rather scared and intimidated and feel inadequate. bah.

but! designing that mahjong paper thing today during our free period was damn fun! we were writing rubbish and drawing each other on the paper. waileong looks alot like waileong. and he looks like john lennon too. charles is short, teckheng is a girl, weiqi drew me looking evil :( , there's stuff abt mavis' boyfriend up there too [hehe], and gavin really looked like gavin. haha. and recess where the entire class found out what mavis really wants for her bday. hoho. haha entertaining entertaining. 1b= :)

2005-08-16T21:23:00.000+08:00

i have to start rushing kwok sooon. nooo. im around halfway through, and the halfway done is just paraphrasing and organising his notes into an essay. how pathetic. to think i want to take history s. and promo timetables are out. omg i must mug and mug and mug. to quote joanne lui "those who thought the ct paper was okay..you are in for a challenge for the promo paper!" WOW. so those who found it hard.. can just prepare to die. :o boohoo.

on to happier news! dinika should be back in around 10hrs. YAY. and my prettypink a&f skirt arrived in the mail. and my sgselltrade acc shld be up soon. and i bought something [its trish's fault :( ] from sgselltrade during break. this is addictive. but nvm when my sis comes back she can manage all the sgselltrade stuff and i can study, yay. and my dog went for grooming and looks very cute but very skinny now

schools getting fun-er. i like my class (: (: (: but lessons are well, lesson-ish. rolly's today was fun though. the drama thingything. i had a funny german name (given by rolly of course) but i forgot it now. and mr reeves showed us photos from his younger days. super cool. mr reeves with long hair! and with his first class. he looked alooot younger. and the photo of his mother's grandmother from the german unification period, like 1860s? thats DAMN cool. he's sad and lonely without his wife and hence keeps talking rubbish and rambling in class, v amusing. and i went for pe today and excercised aft a long time so i feel accomplished! haha. i know im freaking lazy. i must reform! and then i studied while waiting for my mum instead of following mavis to town. SEE, reforming! and i will do my history RIGHT aft this entry.

except sgselltrade makes it convenient and easy for me to shop, boohoo. and my spending needs to be controlled.

workwork time :]

//edit: http://www.livejournal.com/users/glamm_it_up/
not all the stuff's up, but visit please (:

insensitive

2005-08-13T21:15:00.000+08:00

i made my first purchase on sgselltrade today! so exciting! and mavis and i have decided to set up an account to sell our stuff (and my sisters, when she gets back, THIS WEDNESDAY!). its awaiting approval from the moderators now. omgosh so exciting. selling old stuff=more money to buy new stuff! and new stuff=happiness. eventhough temporary and superficial.

i can finally eat food without feeling like im eating porcupines. yay im so happy. i dreamt of giant cheesesticks last night. and of the two most unlikely people making out. and that we bought a new house, with a big wide open field for marshmallow to run about in. like he's some kinda horse or something. cuz the field was damn big. definitely not in singapore. and that i was pretending to be together with someone, for a reason i forget, but it was quite funny. very disconnected dreams. i think it must be the fever, makes my brain all weird and rubbishy. if it wasnt like that to begin with.

most people i know are at inka's party now. so sad i wish i couldve gone :( ah well.

i will finish half my history essay today. (or try to at the very least.)

another night spent wasted on the computer, same people, same story, same as it is every time. same silly stupid story.

How do you numb your skin, after the warmest touch
How do you slow your blood, after the body rush
How do you free your soul, after you've found a friend
How do you teach your heart it's a crime to fall in love again

Oh, you probably won't remember me
It's probably ancient history
I'm one of the chosen few
Who went ahead and fell for you
I'm out of vogue, I'm out of touch
I fell too fast, I feel too much
I thought that you might have, some advice to give
On how to be insensitive

2005-08-13T20:05:00.000+08:00

- mavis - * says:
but i like butts
- mavis - * says:
can send me more la

tsk. MAIDS NOWADAYS. haha. (:

sick :(

2005-08-12T18:03:00.000+08:00

eep. didnt go to school today. its been a very long time since ive had a high fever. like 38.6 or so. i didnt realise i was that sick until i went home and took my temperature. i thought i was just shivery cuz it was raining and the classroom was airconditioned. haha. so im on a thousand and one medicines now. bah. i hate being sick. and apologies to my pw grp for being so useless, i feel horrible. but i was almost dead last night :( i shall do stef's share for the final draft okay (:

i spent most of today sleeping, waking up to eat a bit and take medicine, and then more sleep. boo. eating hurts. stupid throat.

and i still have 4 essays+hmun essay+eom and alot of w/s (econs,math) to do. bah its going to be a busy miserable weekend :(

dimsumdollies

2005-08-10T23:31:00.000+08:00

ah i didnt touch any work this entire long weekend. ANY. except for scribbling a bit on the prose passage and starting my essay with 3 lines, and reading a bit of kwok's notes. im really screwed. i wont do pc for tmr, ill hand it in on fri. but then there's math remedial w/s and pw to do tmr as well. ah :( i wish i werent so lazy.

omg its a week till dinkydoodles comes back. yay! and i get my foood. but more importantly dinika's presence of course. yayyy. time flies, really. dont know if thats such a good thing. i have such high aims for promos and i plan to meet them, yet im not studying, not even completing hw. boo.

dimsumdollies today. dinner at esplanade before that. dimsumdollies was very very funny. except it ended on a really weird note. after a whole like two hours of being politically incorrect, suddenly they end off with we-love-singaporeness? really weird. but still, funny and good overall. if you want any pics, just ask k.

i love. rachael yamagata, kings of convenience, the perishers, frou frou/imogen heap, death cab, bell x1, the album leaf, john mayer, zero 7. and more. but all of those have something in common. oc songs! (and something else, but nevermind that) 8th september. i cant wait.

sleepy. i think im in one of those moods again. so i should stop blogging.

I wouldn't swap the pain
For never knowing you
I wouldn't swap the pain
'Cos it was worth it for the view

We're still watching
Your rainbow through the shower
And we still see you
In every sunflower
We're still watchingI make days from the hours
And I still see you
In every sunflower
Every screaming sunflower

And how they scream of you

national dayy

2005-08-09T22:31:00.000+08:00

last night was stressful and troublesome :( but in the end everything turned out good, thankfully, so yup funfunfun.

went to gotham, realised the que was a million miles long. freaking hot and crowded and throughly packed. and no more presale. boo. saw a ton of people i didnt expect too, including keying, alot of pri sch friends, and so on. after a long long while of queing, they let mavis and i in, and thanks to karen su, hazmi and jon aft a while too. thanks karen we love you! joined auds, and then the usual, ordered jugs cuz they were 1 for 1, danced, THEN.

apparently there was a raid. policemen and all. mavis and i had our valuables in our pocket, money ic phone (mavis' was in her bag though). so we left our bags and went out. where everyone was. spend alot of time outside with a very high auds who was calling people she shouldnt have, HMPH. and climbed up and down the stupid ledges, which was very traumatising for both mavis and i. met people who were leaving/couldnt get in cuz of the crowd, etc. then aft a long while we decided to go back and it was alot emptier. yay. which was good. then we discovered our bags were gone! looked around for them, realising we were quite stupid because there were lockers, and decided to forget it and dance. so before we left, decided to look more. and! we found our bags transported to a place really far away from where we left them. mavis' reaction: "aiyo now i cant get a new phone". haha. sheesh. but we were so relieved. so to celebrate, more dancing. haha.

manypics, because of jon's new phone and new found willingness to take pics. haha. overall, nicenice night. jon mavis hazmi and auds, you guys owe me $8 each! and mavis i want my robert frost, pe tshirt, fbts, silas, white skirt, green top and black pen back! omg filipino theifff. haha. kidding.

and because the pics are too big to fit in here,

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y41/shibbb/gothamfireworks001.jpg
before

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y41/shibbb/DSC00059.jpg
after, with bags! yay.

i miss my lj, photos could be placed under a nice lj cut without screwing up the entire post. bah. nvm. maybe ill upload photos there. (:

national day celebrations were fun. considering i disappeared with the usual people aft promethean ceremony. lunch at spaggedies. yummyyummy. i love cheesesticks.

i felt very very sleepy throughout the day today. hmm. didnt feel national day-ish. havent touched ANY of the 4 essays. i think im going to die. i will do alot of hw tmr, i will i will i will. (: watched fireworks from my dad's office, 43rd floor of some suntec tower, so it was beautiful and breath taking because it was so so so close. i thought i was videoing but i realised i didnt press the button. oh no im getting stupid. so no video. :( but very pretty nonetheless.

but national day is almost meaningless to me. almost. ah well.

I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See a liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I'd screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

still in love with james blunt. <3 <3

Its more than just words; its just tears and rain

2005-08-07T11:01:00.000+08:00

yesterday was well, interesting. to say the least.

rp rehearsals in the day. attendance was quite dismal. and irresponsible people annoy me. i mean, not that im like the most responsible person in the world, i know i can be quite lazy but dont give excuses and then.. ah well. i think im not in a position to say anything anyway so yeah. but i like roadrunners. and the people in my group. so thats good (:

then charlie and the choc factory with 1e. willywonka scares me! he's a little..freaky. esp as a child with the big disgusting braces. omg they look quite disgusting. but the chocolate was soo appetising. -drools. and it was a funny movie. but not quite up to the hype, i think. maybe i was a tad to excited to watch it and hence it wasnt exactly up to expectations. haha.

went to esplanade after dinner with cheryl alps jon abel yam (ying left aft dinner). met sherman on the train, of all the coincidences in the world. haha. quite cool quite cool. then we went to watch the fireworks from the national day rehearsal. soo pretty. esp the starry starry ones. and it was such a nice and long fireworks display. of course it cant be compared to those at like disneyland and so on but i understand that it is singapore and our budget probably isnt as big. haha. but fireworks+esplanade+nice company makes for a veryvery nice night. the ambience was damn romantic too haha. we tried to go to the rooftop gardens but it was closed, sadly. then we went to town and finally to jon's house but cheryl went home. and then went to my house.

played cards, drank quiteee a bit. haha. i think jon and i shouldnt be invited to wedding dinners. haha. though i think its not very advisable when you are on medication for gastric, but nvm. interesting night, with a veryvery wide spectrum of emotions, from being really high and giggly to alot more serious and alot more emotional. and a very honest night as well, probably the most in quite a long time. i think im growing to understand my friends more which is good. took alot of silly and somewhat questionable pics as well. haha. they will not get into the hands of ******. haha. there's quite alot more i want to say, but i cant really put it down in words somehow and im not sure if its entirely public-blog suitable. maybe friendonly entry in my lj. i miss my lj. except a gentle reminder. love you guys and i had a wonderfulwonderful time last night. abel i wish you couldve stayed over :(

jc thus far has really been useful in me understanding myself alot better. in many ways.

I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.

i think im falling in love with james blunt

the grass is greener where it rains

2005-08-05T23:15:00.000+08:00

its been a long time since ive said this BUT, school today was really fun. haha. econs lecture+tutorial was good as usual, but the highlight of my day was kwok's lesson. which was damn funny. kwok-bashing is throughly entertaining. and post-kwok lesson when rolly came in to give us the term paper qns. rolly spent like 15 mins or so traumatising kwok and teasing him. and he was so aware that he was traumatising kwok. and that amused expression on his face makes me want to burst out laughing, again. haha. poor kwok he was squirrming. but we didnt get to hear him sing "where have all the flowers gone". haha. i love rolly to bits. despite his sadistic ways.

and i like my seating position despite monsterish people who steal my pizza biscuits. haha nah kidding. we were all quite high aft kwok's lesson i think. haha. went for math remedial damn late. it was quite waste time. and we found out waileong's secret crush today! awww. so sweet. perfect couple. waileong dont kill me. -dodges bullets.

i think from talking to weiqi for the past few days i realise we agree on quite alot of stuff. which is good i guess but its quite not-so-happy stuff. haha. but yknow its nice to have people who feel the same way about stuff as you.

mavis get well soon!

speaking of which i went to the docs today. gastric and stuff. he said there's lotsa acid in my stomach. bah and i have alot of medicine so grosss. and its quite gross tasting medicine. ah well.

yay nice long long weekend with nice things planned. dim sum dollies! and so on. and im actually starting to enjoy lessons more. i think it gets like this towards the end of the week, with everyone more high and hyper. and its not perfect but its better and thats good isnt it (:

million dollar qn of the day: who irons kwok's shirts?

rainy stay at home days

2005-08-04T23:14:00.000+08:00

woke up lazy today. so i didnt go to school. anyway i felt mildly headache-y and gastric-y and since my mum was saying at home i decided to stay at home to.

and basically my day involved alot of sleeping and eating. and futile attempts to study. but hey i read crisis of communism in china lecture notes today. and had 2 hours of math tuition! yay. my understanding of vectors has increased greatly. and i think that mao is an idiot. like a total idiot. who the hell tries to kill birds by getting the citizens to bang on pots and pans so its so noisy that the birds run away?? damn stupid. and the names of his campaigns are retarded.

tution was annoying. there was this j2 couple i think. and they kept touching each other. yes during tuition. and giggling. and so on. like, okaaay?

i want to go shopping. nownownownow. i just got camy to help me enquire abt some sgselltrade stuff. yay. exciting-ness.

school tmr. 5 periods in a row (since i think kwok's lesson is moved up again), math remedial, and silas with mrs perry. and more math tuition. i want to cry. :(

i like rainyrainy days. esp when i dont go to school. its ideal for sleeping and well..eating. i had haagen daz TWICE today. omg. i better stop ponning pe or else im going to look like a potato. if i dont already.

strawberry yoghurt

2005-08-03T22:28:00.000+08:00

talked to waileong today about his leg, or rather his not very real right leg. very very interesting. and pretty admirable as well. i admire people like that. stealing waileong's money with weiqi was fun too (: but yknow being the nice people we are we returned it. and hey i wanted to go for chinese! for more reasons than one but yes. after school was quite funnny. and new seating position! the view was different, ok, duh. but i think we should sit at different places every day, more fun that way.

ihc was funny. i think nic was damn pro la. and various other people. and ofcourse the ruggers were amusing to watch. okay no some of them looked genuinely scary but.. yeah. haha. roland looked uncharacterisic. take that however you want roland. haha.

i had steven for company on the way home today. its nice to have nice nice people who live near me, trips home will never be boring and lonely anymore (:

shiyun and i did something very weird today. like really very weird. i felt weird for a while, but i also discovered something similiar between shiyun and i. hoho.

yay i created a study timetable and things to do list i feel accomplished! okay now lets hope i follow it. i see essayessayessay readingsreadingsreadings mathmathmath :(

eat meiji strawberry yoghurt its damn nice it tastes like a smooothie. mmm.

there a frivolous meaningless (happy?) blog entry. happy now?

new blog

2005-08-03T19:04:00.000+08:00

i think the old one was getting pointless. and well i was bored. and its got too many memories, which i keep rereading over and over and over again.

i cant fix the font though. it looks small and squashed hmm oh well. and i prefer my old blog :(

free aftenoons are meant for doing homework and not creating new blogs. hmm.

and for now i dont think there's much else to say.